How to Fix Talking Heads in Your Story

What is "Talking Heads"? 

"Talking heads" or "talking heads syndrome" is a term used in the creative writing community for a passage of dialogue where all that exists is the dialogue. To the reader, it feels as if heads are floating in space, talking. We don't get any description. We don't get any blocking. We don't get any introspection. Just talking. As an example, it shows up like this.

“Happy Birthday, Cherie!”

“Oh thanks.”

“So, you have any big plans?”

“Nothing much. Just a family thing.”

“Cool, I was thinking we could go to that escape room? It’s tiki themed.”

“My favorite.”

“It’ll be awesome.”

“Is it even solvable with two people?”

“We’ll tell them it’s your birthday.”

While the dialogue itself could maybe use some work, this passage is a problem because the reader doesn't know where the characters are, what they look like, or what they are doing. 

And even if the scene did convey those things in the opening, straight dialogue like this that goes on and on, often has a weird effect on the reader, similar to that of having a blindfold on. (And simply adding dialogue tags isn't enough to fix the problem.)

Instead, it's more effective to flesh out the scene, so the audience feels as if they are there, experiencing the story for themselves.

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The 5 Types of Lines We Use to Craft Stories (and How to Use Them to Reveal Character)

Recently I was listening to a lecture from #1 New York Times best-selling author Brandon Sanderson where he listed four different kinds of lines we use to write stories--and while I knew each type existed, I had never really thought of listing them out and talking about them, and as I considered that, I also thought of another type he didn't mention. 

When it comes to actually writing a story (on a line-by-line level), you really only have five elements to do that with. And one of the differences between a beginning writer and a professional-level writer, is that a professional-level writer will convey more than what the lines are saying on the page--they'll convey more than the text itself. In contrast, a beginning writer often uses more words than necessary to convey concepts that the audience already understands. So while a professional writer tends to write text jam-packed with meaning, a beginning writer tends to write long-winded text with little meaning.

As an example of how to bring more meaning to text, I'm going to cover how each type of line can be used to reveal character (in part because this is what Sanderson does in his lecture). Beginning writers tend to write whole passages of introspection in the opening where nothing really happens--usually in an effort to convey character. But in reality, every kind of line can be used to reveal character nearly all the time. You don't have to bring the story to a grinding halt to do it--as long as you know how to do it. 

So let's go through the five types of lines we have in our arsenal. 

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When to Use Single Quotation Marks in Fiction

Like the semicolon, there are a lot of misconceptions about when to use single quotation marks, and also like the semicolon, the rules are actually very simple. Mainly because there is only one.

Nonetheless, I see this punctuation mark misused all the time. 

But before I get too far into this, it's important to note that I'm specifically talking about American English. British English reverses the use of double and single quotation marks--meaning British English uses single where American English uses double. Other than that, my understanding is, they are pretty similar (feel free to comment if you have more, relevant insight into British English). 

In American English, the only time you use single quotation marks is when quoting something within a quote. For fiction, this usually means within dialogue, when a character is quoting something or someone else.

For example:

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The Technicalities of Writing Thoughts

On a few occasions, I've been asked how to actually write thoughts on the page in a story. If you are newer to writing, this can be confusing for several reasons (and you'll see why by the end of this article). 

Just to clarify, this post isn't about what makes one passage of introspection better than another, or how to keep a moment of introspection interesting. If you want to learn about that, check out my articles "How to Write Excellent Introspection" and "Breaking Writing Rules Right: 'Never Open with Introspection.'" No, this post is about actually writing character thoughts on the page. Even if you already know how to do that, this topic may be worth a review. And who knows, I might cover some points you didn't know, you didn't know. 

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Breaking Writing Rules Right: "Don't Write Direct Dialogue!"

Over the years, I've done a lot of posts on dialogue, in part because when I went searching for a deeper understanding on the topic, I didn't find a lot of material. One of the recurring things I did find though, was about writing indirect dialogue. And this is absolutely one of the best places to start, when learning how to craft better dialogue. Dialogue should always be saying and doing more than what's on the page.

Almost always, anyway.

Naturally, this means incorporating indirection.

Which plays closely into subtext.

But a few times I've been asked, when is it okay to use direct dialogue? For this post, I have at least four answers.

What's the Rule?

Don't write direct dialogue!

Why it's a Rule

Usually the best dialogue considers what the character doesn't say, and how. In other words, subtext. When subtext happens, the dialogue is bigger than what's on the page--a quality that seems to be key to drawing in readers and writing a great story.

And in reality, most of us do talk indirectly. And we are always revealing more about ourselves than what we say (whether or not we want to). Interestingly, the more powerful emotions we feel, the more indirect we tend to be.

Indirect dialogue also holds more tension. (This again draws us in.)

On the flip side, direct dialogue releases tension, something we rarely want to do.

And when we talk about powerful emotions directly (and disproportionately), they can actually lose power. This is one of the many facets of the "show, don't tell" rule. Talking about powerful emotions directly in dialogue, labels, or in other words, "tells" them, which usually is not as satisfying as showing them so they can be experienced by the reader.

Direct dialogue also means one-dimensional dialogue. What you see (or read), is what you get. This turns the reader into more of a spectator, instead of a participator, in the story (and we want participation).

But a lot of beginning writers write direct dialogue--we probably all did. Writing indirect dialogue is a skill--it takes study and practice (and more practice).

In case anyone isn't quite sure what I mean about direct vs. indirect, here is a quick example:

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Writing Callbacks

I finally found the correct term for a writing technique that has been in my head a few years! I was at a panel at FanX, when author Dan Willis (not to be confused with Dan Wells) started talking about "callbacks"--I wanted to stop him right then and there and thank him for finally giving me the word (but since we were on a panel, I didn't think that would be a good idea!).

Of course, it comes from the screenwriting world 🙄 Seriously guys, I've never had much of a desire to get into screenwriting, but there are some great ideas (and terminology) in that branch of creative writing (particularly with story structures). So if you want more resources for writing good stories, look into some screenwriting books.

Anyway!

Naturally, I want to now talk about callbacks, since I have the official term (maybe I'm late to the game, and you guys already knew the correct term 😅) But, I'm also going to expand the idea, afterwards.

Callbacks Explained

By definition, a callback is a dialogue technique. It's when you bring back an old line from earlier in the story.

The Order of the Phoenix film has one of my favorite callbacks in it.

After Harry gets detention, he has to write lines with Umbridge that say "I must not tell lies."

Later in the film, this happens:

That is a callback.

And audiences love it.

Often callbacks are used in comedy, where the punchline of a joke is pulled back in later for another laugh.

Callbacks can happen in a lot of different places and have a lot of different tones.

However, most of the time, to be effective, the callback must be different than the original line in some way.

This often means changing the context and/or the line itself (by my definition).

So in the Order of the Phoenix example, the line stays the exact same: "I must not tell lies." But the context is radically different. Originally, Umbridge had the upper hand and was torturing Harry. In the callback, Harry has control. Because we all hate Umbridge and what she did to him so much, it's really satisfying when he calmly throws it in her face.

But the context can change in a bunch of other different ways too. In Galaxy Quest, Alexander loathes delivering the line "By Grabthar's hammer . . ." throughout the film, which is comedic to the audience, but near the climax, the line is flipped on its head when he uses it to comfort a man dying in his arms.

Sometimes you can use the line to illustrate an arc. At the beginning of the story it meant one thing, but by the end, it has a new, more significant meaning. This can be great to emphasize character growth and thematic statements. Mockingjay (the book) does this well in all its references to the "Hanging Tree" lyrics.

Some stories tweak the line. Pirates of the Caribbean uses this comedically throughout the series, when characters make references to the rum being gone.

In Spider-verse, the writers played around with Spider-man's tag line: with great power, comes great responsibility, and flipped it around so that we have Miles's dad saying incorrectly "With great ability, comes great accountability" or even having Spider-man himself imply how sick he is of hearing the line. (This is a smart move on the writers' part, since they are working with a story that has been rebooted four times in 16 years 🤪 Like Peter, we may be tired of the tagline ourselves.)

Often people's favorite lines to quote are callbacks. Have you noticed?

When writing callbacks, the most important thing to remember is to not be annoying.

If you overuse this technique, it can become annoying.

If you overuse a line in the same context over and over again, it can be annoying.

It's like telling the same joke over and over and expecting it to be just as effective. It's not. It gets irritating.

(Unless the joke is that you tell it over and over again.)

You could say the Inigo Montoya's line is overdone, but it's intentional and part of the point.

Physical Callbacks

By definition, "callback" relates to dialogue, but I say, why stop there? Why can't objects or actions work as callbacks too? Well, they can, and actually, they do.

Let's go back to Spider-verse. The climax is loaded with all sorts of callbacks. But perhaps the most memorable is when Miles defeats Kingpin with the "shoulder touch" he learned earlier in the story. Sure, it does have the same dialogue from earlier ("Heeeeey!"), but really, it's the action that's the focal point. That's the real callback.

What about in Lord of the Rings, when we get that shot of Frodo stroking the ring in the exact same way as Smeagol? Isn't that an action that conveys a significant arc of character? And it's an action we've seen before.

What about Seamus Finnigan's magic constantly blowing up in flames through the Harry Potter series--isn't that like a callback? Finally in the last movie, he's asked to blow something up intentionally.

And then let's not forget Napoleon Dynamite and his dancing.

And why can't this be objects too? Like the changing context of a Mockingjay pin? Or Dobby and his love of socks?

Sure, these all might be a little trickier to pull off in a novel, but not impossible. For actions, just make sure to use the same or similar descriptions and keywords, so you reinforce and emphasize an association. Objects might be a little easier, and they may even take on symbolism, but you make sure they stand out.

I could go on and talk about how callbacks can even extend beyond the text to other texts. Like how Spider-verse calls back to the original Spider-man trilogy a lot in the opening (like with Peter's dance moves). But I think I'll call it good for today.

In the end, remember this: Callbacks are effective because they resonate with what the audience saw before.

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How to Punctuate Dialogue

I usually don't do posts on punctuation, because I figure it's something that anyone can simply look up, but lately I've been running into quite a bit of dialogue that has been punctuated improperly, which is really no surprise, because when you are learning to write dialogue, punctuating is super confusing.

Let's start with the most basic and then move on to the most complicated.

Dialogue is usually made of two parts: the dialogue, and the dialogue tag.

"I'm hungry," (<-- dialogue) Micki said. (<-- dialogue tag)

The dialogue tag tells us who said it and (sometimes) how.

Sometimes dialogue will have no tags because who is saying it is implied. This is the easiest type to punctuate.

Dialogue with No Tags

- Simply put whatever is said in quotations.

Examples:

"Please pass the water."
"Go to your room!"
"Are you staying for dinner?"
"First I want to go biking. After that, let's go fishing. If we have time still, let's go hiking."

*Note: Inside the quotations, always treat capitalization like you would normally.


Dialogue with Tags Coming After a Complete Sentence (Or Intentional Fragment)

When dialogue would ordinarily end in a period:

This is the next simplest.

- If you end the dialogue with a complete sentence that would ordinarily end in a period, put a comma instead, then the dialogue tag, then the period.

Examples:

"I'm setting up an aquarium," Jen said.
"Can you pick up some eggs? I have to bake cookies for the fundraiser," Pat said.
"Shut up! I can't listen to you for another second," Steve yelled.

*Note: If you are ending the dialogue on an intentional sentence fragment, you would do the same thing.

"There were bears. Huge bears," Tanner explained.
"No one can stand her. Ugly. Mean. A monster," he said.
"Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica," he said.

*Note: If you are not ending on a proper name, lower case who is saying it (he said, she said, they said, the man said, etc.) 


When the dialogue ends in a question mark:

- Put the question mark inside the quotation, then the dialogue tag.

Examples:

"Did he love you?" her father asked.
"Would Wednesday work for the meeting?" she asked.
"It's my sister's birthday this Saturday. Do you want to come to the party?" Emma said.


When the dialogue ends in an exclamation point: 

- Put the exclamation point inside the quotation, then the dialogue tag.

Examples:

"I hate you!" Carry said.
"Shut up! Shut up!" Sean yelled.
"Someone's hurt. Hurry!" she said.


Dialogue with Tags Coming First

This is done more rarely, but here is how you would punctuate it.

- Use a comma between the tag and the dialogue. End the dialogue punctuating how you would normally.

Examples:

Timmy asked, "Will it hurt?"
Mom said, "I've already cleaned the entire house."
Dad said, "Don't back talk me!"
She said, "I don't have a lot of time. Could we reschedule?"


*Note the slight difference in "sound" and beat when the dialogue tag comes first.

*Note that since the dialogue tag starts the sentence, the first letter will always be capitalized  (She said, He said, Her mom said, Timmy said, The man said).


Dialogue with Tags in the Middle

With tags after a complete sentence or intentional sentence fragment

- Punctuate it according to the second section, then start the next line of dialogue, punctuating it like the first section.

Examples:

"I'm so cold," Rupert complained. "I can't wait for summer."
"What's your favorite color?" her sister asked. "I like blue."
"I love him!" she said. "You can't change my mind!"
"Bears. Beets," Jim said. "Battlestar Galactica."


With tags technically coming before the next sentence

- Alternatively, the middle tag can be attached to the next sentence.

Examples:

"I'm so cold." Rupert said, "I can't wait for summer."
"What's your favorite color?" Her sister said, "I like blue."
"I love him!" She said, "You can't change my mind!"

*Again, note there is technically a slight variation in sound and beat:

"I'm so cold." / Rupert said, "I can't wait for summer."
vs.
"I'm so cold," Rupert said. / "I can't wait for summer."


*Watch out for attaching the tag to the wrong sentence.

Wrong: "What's your favorite color?" Her sister asked, "I like blue."

"I like blue" can't be "asked." It's not a question.

Correct:  "What's your favorite color?" Her sister said, "I like blue."

(This is why I changed it in the example.)


With tags interrupting a sentence

Maybe you want the tag coming in the middle of a dialogue sentence.

- Use commas to separate the tag from the spoken dialogue.

Examples:

"All I was wondering," she said, "was if you were going to the party."
"He always lies, cheats," Tiff said, "and steals!"
"After practice," her dad said, "let's get ice cream."

*Notice that having the tag split a sentence alters the beat with an extra pause. This can sometimes be used to convey hesitancy (perhaps in the first example) or emphasis (in the second example).

Keep in mind that all the lines of dialogue here are complete sentences:

"All I was wondering was if you were going to the party."
"He always lies, cheats, and steals."
"After practice, let's get ice cream."

So you should not tag them as if they are complete sentences.

Wrong:
"All I was wondering," she said. "Was if you were going to the party."
"He always lies, cheats." Tiff said, "And steals!"
"After practice," her dad said. "Let's get ice cream."

Always look at the sentence(s) in the dialogue and where you are placing the tag to determine how to punctuate them.


Dialogue with Action Implying the Speaker

You can often imply the speaker with action. Keep in mind that this is implying NOT tagging.

- The action and the dialogue are two separate things, so they should be punctuated as two separate things. Punctuate the dialogue as if there is no tag. Write the character's action as you normally would.

Examples:

"Do you need help?" David smiled. [dialogue. action.]
"Hurry!" Nick opened the car door. [dialogue. action.]
She closed the envelope. "It's the only letter he wrote me." [action. dialogue.]
"I'm exhausted." She put on her pajamas. "I want to sleep a full week." [dialogue. action. dialogue.]


WRONG:
"Do you need help?" he smiled.
"Hurry up," Nick opened the door.
She closed the envelope, "It's the only letter he wrote me."
"I'm exhausted," she put on her pajamas, "I want to sleep a full week."

These aren't tags because they do not "speak." You cannot "smile" a spoken sentence. You can smile while speaking a sentence, but you cannot smile a spoken sentence.


Attaching the action to a tag

Alternatively, you can attach the action to a tag, using both a tag and an action.

Examples:

"Do you need help?" David asked, smiling. [dialogue, tag with action]
"Hurry!" Nick yelled and opened the door. [dialogue, tag with action]
She said while very slowly closing the envelope, "It's the only letter he wrote me." [tag with action, dialogue]
"I'm exhausted," she said and put on her pajamas. "I want to sleep a full week." [dialogue, tag with action. dialogue.]

For more advanced tips on this, you can see my post "5 Most Common Mistakes with Dialogue."


Action Interrupting a Dialogue Sentence

Sometimes you may want action to come in the middle of a dialogue sentence. But here's the problem. It's not a dialogue tag.

- Use em dashes to set off the action outside of the quotes. Don't use commas within the quotes near the interruption.

Examples:

"You said"--she wrenched open the car door--"that she would be safe!"
"Next time you go blabbing about our secrets"--he kicked a rock--"you'll be put in isolation."


Dialogue and Paragraphs

- Every time there is a new speaker, start a new paragraph.

Example:

"You said they would be safe," Lance said. "You said you could defend them!"
"I thought I could! But I didn't know they could wield magic," Ellie said.
"They were our last hope."
"At least I tried to help. Some people around here have done nothing," she said pointedly.
Lance glared.

- If one speaker is speaking for multiple paragraphs, delete the closing quote of their previous paragraph and start the next with another quotation mark. It feels counterintuitive, but that's the rule.

Example:

"You said they would be safe," Lance said. "You said you could defend them!"
"I thought I could! But I didn't know they could wield magic," Ellie said.
"They were our last hope."
"At least I tried to help. Some people around here have done nothing," she said pointedly.
Lance glared."Nothing?" he asked. "You think I've done nothing? I guess I haven't then.
"I guess getting intel from the enemies was nothing.
"I guess locating the chosen ones was nothing.
"I guess sacrificing time that could be spent with my own children is nothing.
"You had one job to do.
"But maybe to you, it was nothing."
Ellie was speechless. 

Typically writers reserve this sort of thing for long paragraphs but my example still proves the point.


Internal Dialogue/Thoughts

At some point you'll probably have internal dialogue (or maybe better put . . . monologue), or in other words, your character's direct thoughts.

- Never put these in quotes. Not double quotes. Not single quotes. Since they aren't being spoken, they should be in italics (in some styles, this is underlined, but you can almost never go wrong with italics). However, handle tags the same way you would in spoken dialogue.

Examples:

I can't believe she did that to me, George thought.
I can't do this anymore! Monica thought.
Please, please let this work, Jasper silently prayed. I can't mess this up again.
If I see him at school tomorrow, she thought, then I will confront him.

In some speculative fiction, you may have characters who can communicate via thoughts. These should also be in italics, not quotes.

Example:

There is danger out there, Saphira thought to him.
Don't worry. I'll be careful. Eragon strapped on his boots.

If you have any dialogue questions, feel free to ask.

* This is based on U.S. English

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How to Handle Blocking

Hopefully by now you know that in most of your scenes you need to have a character in a setting with tension, but there is an area of writing where I don't feel like we spend enough time talking about, which is blocking. And I'm not talking about writer's block.

The term "blocking" is borrowed from play performances. Blocking is just about anything an actor does that isn't dialogue: where they stand, where they look, how they interact with the setting, how they move across the stage, how close they are to what, how they interact with props. Often audiences pay little attention to blocking, or rather they don't think about it enough to appreciate it.

But if a play has little to no blocking, well, that's a tough play to sit through as an audience. They may not always have an eye for great blocking, but they'll notice if it's not there.

Blocking is just as important in fiction writing. And like with plays, it's likely the reader won't appreciate great blocking, but they'll get antsy and annoyed if there is no blocking, and they'll get confused if there is poor blocking.

If you don't use blocking, not only does it make it difficult for the audience to imagine where your characters are relative to the setting, but you're selling your story short by not using it to your advantage.

As an editor, I see blocking problems crop up from time to time, usually in dialogue scenes. The writer will tell me where the characters are (for example, cooking in the kitchen), but then as I read the scene, I get no sense of specifically where each character is in the room, what each one is doing, if they are standing at an island or sitting at the table, chopping lettuce for a salad, or loading the dish washer. Next thing I know, not only are they done cooking, but they are done eating and are outside getting in the suburban.

Sure, some scenes don't require much, if any, blocking. But in most scenes, you need some sense of blocking.

Likewise, you can over-block a scene--putting so much blocking in, that it becomes unnecessary, sucks up the scene's focus, and slows the pacing.

A great narrative hand knows how much to guide the reader and when to back off.

So let's get to some tips about blocking:

Watch out for:

 - Continuity Errors. One of the main problems I see with blocking in unpublished fiction is continuity errors. In one line, a character is sitting on a couch in the living room, and a few lines later, she's sitting on her bed, in the same scene with no sense of motion. Often it can happen with objects characters are holding. Misty is knitting a scarf, but then a few lines later, it says she's knitting a blanket. It can happen with food. Zack has a cup of orange juice, but later it talks about how he's enjoying the taste of coffee.

Watch out for when characters' hands are full or when you have them doing something they aren't capable of. For example, say it's been recently established that Sandra glued back together two broken figurines and she's holding one each hand. While she's waiting for them to dry, she doesn't dare put them down , and then suddenly she's buttoning up the jacket of her little boy. What happened to the figurines?

In some cases, motions can be assumed--but make sure they can be, or that you imply them somehow, so that it doesn't read like a continuity error.

Watch out for having characters sit down, who were already sitting, or characters standing up who were already standing. Characters who put on their shoes twice, or turn off the fan twice.

- Spatial Vagueness. I'm trying to decide if I see this one more than continuity errors . . . and I have to say probably. Another one of the most common problems with blocking, is vagueness. This usually happens because the setting, objects, or characters' distances from one another or other things haven't been properly established. I might get a line that says, "Joey walked down the street"--and as the scene goes on, I get no sense of what street, what city, what it looks like, what season it is, or where or why he is walking in the first place. Sometimes I don't get any sense of setting and only conversations and body language, and next I know, I read the line "Tiff walked inside." What? They were outside that whole conversation? And what did she walk into?

When blocking is vague, the audience has to fill in the blanks, which can be a problem if it's not what the author actually pictures. As an editor, this often happens to me. I'll be picturing the characters sitting in opposite places in a living room, and then suddenly I'm reading how one put her arm around the other. In my head, they weren't close enough to each other to do that.

Use:

- Specificity. Being specific isn't necessarily the same as being detailed. Details can help make something be specific, but they aren't the same thing. And with blocking, in some cases, the more detailed it is, the more it hurts the story because it slows the pacing and changes the story's focus. In my example above, "Joey walked down the street," the sentence can be more specific by adding and changing a few words. "Joey walked down Mulberry Street, autumn leaves crunching under his feet."

In certain kinds of action scenes, it can be very important to be specific in word choice, and not in details. "Joey leapt for the fire escape." "Margaret hit Lolly in the jaw." But if you try to put too much detail into action, it can slow the moment way down.

In some cases, it's helpful to establish the setting before the characters start interacting with it. This makes the setting or "stage" more specific in the reader's mind. They know there is a pool table and pinball machine in the room, so when one character slams the other into the pool table, it makes sense. Be specific, not vague. How much detail you include depends on pacing and the focus of the scene.


- Blocking to contribute to or emphasize points. This is especially true for conversations. As an argument gets more intense, a character may invade the other's personal space. If one character suddenly says something that makes the other uncomfortable, the latter may take a step back. If one character is vulnerable, whether the second draws closer or steps away can convey a lot.

Of course, you can use setting and props to do the same thing. As an argument gets intense, one character throws something at the other. If someone is uncomfortable, she might put something (an island, a couch, a car, a teeter-totter) between them. If she's feeling vulnerable, she might "hide" or "block" herself by getting a blanket, picking up a book to look at, or turning away from the speaker to pretend interest in a rose bush.

When Sherlock gets frustrated, what does he do? He stabs the mantle. He puts a bullet in the wall.

This is blocking that emphasizes and contributes to the situation or point at hand.

Even in a scene where blocking is the primary focus (building an invention, competing in America Ninja Warrior, forging a sword, hunting), how the character interacts with the setting and objects can emphasize points--how tightly he holds a screwdriver, how sweaty her hands are against a climbing wall, the way he beats the metal, how many shots she shoots.

You can also use blocking to heighten tension. "He picked up a knife and concealed it under the table," immediately adds tension and anticipation to a scene.

- Blocking to Convey Character. Similar, yet different from, the last section, you can use blocking to convey character, rather than just the moment at hand. The fact that Sherlock stabs the mantle whenever he gets frustrated is something specific to his character. It helps establish who he is. And actually, that fact becomes specifically important in season four--when we understand that he, someone who is supposedly not driven by emotion, sometimes manifests more raw emotion than any one else.

A character who sees litter at a park and picks it up is much different than one who adds to it. A character who comforts a crying stranger is different than one who ignores them. A character who always makes sure she's near an exit is different than one who could care less. Blocking is great to show character and their feelings, rather than tell them.


- Blocking to give motion to still or stagnant scenes. You may sometimes have scenes where all that really matters is the conversation between two of your characters, or maybe you need to have your character delve into a moment of introspection to solve a mystery. It might not matter even where this moment takes place. A lot of beginning writers will open a story with a character sitting and thinking. One of the reasons this is a problem is because there is no motion, there is nothing happening in the present moment.

Use blocking to add motion. Instead of having your character sit and think, maybe you can have her catching insects for her bug collection while she thinks. Not only does this create more motion and interest, but also gives you material for the two bullet points before this one, so that it can actually add to the introspection and characterization. The fact she just caught a monarch butterfly might not be important to the main plot, but it tells us more about her, and in fact, you can even use that event and butterfly as a type or symbol of whatever she's thinking about for added emphasis and tone.

With that said, some conversations are very important, interesting, have high tension, or natural draws--they may have incorporeal motion--and already carry the audience, and sometimes when you put in blocking, it actually takes away from that, instead of contributing to it, by drawing away the audience's attention. Their attention to the conversation is competing with the blocking. So watch for that.


- Blocking for natural pauses, lulls in conversations, and for beats in dialogue. On the topic of dialogue exchanges, when there is a natural pause in dialogue or a lull in conversation, instead of saying "There was a moment of quiet," you can put in a bit of blocking to convey that.

"Forget it," Fred said. "I didn't want your help anyway."

Nancy looked down at the scarf she was crocheting and realized her hands had stopped moving. She put the scarf down on the coffee table, and flattened it out as she tried to find her words.

"You like her, don't you?" she asked.

You can also use blocking for beats in dialogue. Rather than always using dialogue tags, you can use a beat to imply who is speaking what line.

"Cedric Diggory was murdered," Harry said.

"Whatever you've been told," Professor Umbridge said, "that. Is. A. Lie."

Harry shot up out of his desk. "It's not a lie!"

Bonus

Watch this short scene between Umbridge and McGonagall for a good example of how blocking conveys character, emphasizes points, adds motion to the scene, and how it's weaved in with dialogue. In addition to the two professors, notice the blocking in regards to the students and what it conveys.


 

Intermediate Tip:

Try to have your blocking accomplish more than one thing.

Maybe it can hike up tension and convey character.

Maybe it can emphasize a point and help us follow a fight scene.

Maybe it can replace a dialogue tag and convey something important about the setting.

And remember, in some scenes blocking is more important than in other scenes.

If you would like to learn more about blocking, Writing Excuses has a podcast episode on it.

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5 Most Common Mistakes with Dialogue

As an editor, I've been thinking about how I need to do a post on some of the most common mistakes I see in dialogue. Many are a matter of fine-tuning, moving from a great writer, to a professional one.

Dialogue Tags Don't Match the Dialogue

As I've mentioned before, I'm not wholly against alternative dialogue tags ("groaned," "cried," "yelled," "lamented," etc.), and I think they can be particularly effective when the dialogue and the context of the story can't portray the way that it's said. For example:

"That's great," Melody groaned

But sometimes the dialogue tag honestly doesn't fit the way it's said. It's hard to give an example of this in a blog post, because often whether or not the tag fits the dialogue depends on the context of the story. But look at this:

"Elephants use their skin folds to crush mosquitoes," Milo whined

The direct dialogue doesn't sound like whining. The content doesn't sound like something to whine about, and the structure doesn't sound like whining. But that is the chosen dialogue tag. It doesn't fit.

"Elephants use their skin folds to crush mosquitoes," Milo said matter-of-factly.

But sometimes you get weird combos like this:

"Elephants use their skin folds to crush mosquitoes," Milo whined matter-of-factly.

I don't know about you, but "whined matter-of-factly" sounds like something that's pretty difficult to pull off.

Here are some more examples:

"I need to lose weight," Taz wondered.

"Can I check into my hotel room now?" Kelly raged.

"Want to pick up the groceries?" Katie exclaimed.

Sure, grammatically, they are fine, but other than very rare occasions, the tags aren't appropriate for the direct dialogue. Make sure what you write matches.

Modifiers Don't Match the Dialogue

Some people really love using modifying phrases (participial phrases) with their dialogue tags. Again, I'm not against this, but like anything, it can be overused, and more than that, it needs to make sense. A modifying phrase after a dialogue tag is adding information to the dialogue tag.  It works as an adjective. Here is a fine example.

"Do you ever sunburn?" Manny asked, squeezing sunscreen into his palm

"Squeezing sunscreen into his palm" is a modifying phrase--it adds information to "Manny asked." Because it functions similar to an adjective, it's also saying that Manny squeezed the sunscreen into his palm at the same time he asked "Do you ever sunburn." Not after. The same time.

Here is a problem example:

"Grab the gun!" I yelled, holding my breath as a cloud of smoke came our way.

You cannot yell and hold your breath at the same time. So this is a problem. But you can easily fix it:

"Grab the gun!" I yelled, then held my breath as a cloud of smoke came our way.

OR

"Grab the gun!" I yelled. I held my breath as a cloud of smoke came our way.

OR

 "Grab the gun!" I yelled, and I held my breath as a cloud of smoke came our way.

But NEVER

"Grab the gun!" I yelled, holding my breath as a cloud of smoke came our way.

Other times, the participial phrase doesn't match because it doesn't fit with the dialogue (usually it doesn't logically match in length).

 "Yes," she said, putting her dress, socks, and pajamas in a suitcase and then the luggage on the floor.

You can't tell me she put her dress, socks, AND pajamas in a suitcase AND then put the luggage on the floor the same time she said "Yes."  Unless she's Quicksilver from X-Men, it's not possible to do all those things during a one-syllable word.

You can fix it like this:

 "Yes," she said, putting her dress in the suitcase. She added her socks and pajamas, and then placed the luggage on the floor.

Some writers say you should try to leave out participial phrases like this altogether, since cognitively it is difficult for the reader to imagine both things happening at once. I'm personally okay with it and don't think it's a big deal. They just need to make sense.

Improper Punctuation

I think probably every writer struggles at some point with figuring out how to punctuate dialogue. Let's be honest, to a beginner, it's not that clear-cut, and if you don't know the rules, it might seem somewhat random. For example, all of these sentences are punctuated properly:

"All I was wondering," Jill said, "was if you would like to go to the movies."

"I caught a fish once," Heber said. "It was a big fat trout."

"I can't believe this!" Arnie said. "You wrecked my car?"

"I can't believe this!" Arnie said, "You wrecked my car?"

"Was it a squirrel?" Daisy asked. "I do love squirrels."

Here are the same sentences handled improperly:

"All I was wondering," Jill said. "Was if you would like to go to the movies."

"I caught a fish once," Heber said, "it was a big fat trout."

"I can't believe this," Arnie said! "You wrecked my car?"

"I can't believe this!" Arnie said, "you wrecked my car?"

"I do love squirrels," Daisy asked, "was it a squirrel?"

For a complete rundown of how to punctuate dialogue, you can follow this link. But here are a few things to keep in mind.

"All I was wondering," [part of a sentence] Jill said, [dialogue tag] "was if you would like to go to the movies. [rest of the sentence]"

- When the dialogue tag interrupts a sentences, separate it by commas.

"I caught a fish once, [complete sentence]" Heber said. [dialogue tag] "It was a big fat trout." [a separate complete sentence]

- When the dialogue tag comes at the end of a complete sentence, use a comma inside the end quotes and then a period after the tag. If there is more dialogue, capitalize the next letter as you would the start of a sentence.

"I can't believe this!" Arnie said. "You wrecked my car?"

- When the dialogue tag follows an exclamation point or question mark, you simply add the dialogue tag with a period. You don't need an extra comma ("I can't believe this!," Arnie said--no)

"I can't believe this!" Arnie said, "You wrecked my car?"

- In this example, the dialogue tag is technically preceding the dialogue "You wrecked my car?" so you can put a comma.

Notice how these actually read differently:

"I can't believe this!" Arnie said. / "You wrecked my car?"

vs.

"I can't believe this!" / Arnie said, "You wrecked my car?"

The slash denotes that extra bit of silence. The way the dialogue tag is placed and punctuated tells us how the beat goes.

Now, some people say you should never start with a dialogue tag: Arnie said, "You wrecked my car?" I'd argue that it's the best choice in some scenarios. Also, some say you should never flip the speaker and tag: "You wrecked my car?" said Arnie.

I personally don't have a problem with it as long as it's used sparingly and not the go-to choice. When you are describing who is speaking, because we don't know the name, it's often a great choice: "You wrecked my car?" said a man with a long beard and a silver umbrella.

"Was it a squirrel?" Daisy asked. "I do love squirrels."

- Same explanation as my exclamation point one. If you end on a question, put the question mark before the end quotes, add the dialogue tag, and put a period. Notice how this example is wrong:

"Was it a squirrel?" Daisy asked, "I do love squirrels."

-->

"Was it a squirrel?" / Daisy asked, "I do love squirrels."

Daisy is not asking "I do love squirrels." So again, the tag does not match the dialogue.

Making Actions into Dialogue Tags

I could have probably put this in the last section, but it happens so much that it really needs its own category.

Sometimes writers make the dialogue tag a physical action:

"Let's go to the store," Amy smiled.

"I do love pudding," Luna scooped some pudding on her plate, "When is the next match?"

"The last thing I need," Mom yanked the car into reverse, "is for you to back talk me!"

Dialogue is something audible. You can't smile audible language. You can smile while you say it, but you can't smile it.

"Let's go to the store," Amy said, smiling.

OR

"Let's go to the store." Amy smiled.

In the second example, it is implied that Amy is the speaker, simply because of the structure of the line/paragraph. You can absolutely imply who is speaking. But notice that "Amy smiled" is not punctuated as a dialogue tag.

Here is how to fix the pudding one:

"I do love pudding." Luna scooped some pudding on her plate. "When is the next match?"

Keep the action separate from the dialogue--its own sentence.

The third wrong example is tricky. But is here is how you handle it:

"The last thing I need"--Mom yanked her car into reverse--"is for you to back talk me!"

Now, in some cases, I'm guilty of just doing the commas to set off the action, because I feel it suits the tone more than the dashes. If dashes don't suit the moment, you can also play around with the dialogue and find (correct) alternatives. Now, is it wrong if I stylistically choose to use commas? I'll leave that to my editor. ;)

Maid-and-Butler Dialogue

Sometimes an author is trying to get information to the reader through dialogue. And it's obvious. And feels contrived. Maid-and-butler dialogue is a term that originates from stories where the maid and butler would tell each other things they already both know. For example:

"Voldemort was a very dark wizard who killed Harry's parents," Dumbledore said to Snape.
"Voldemort was one of the most powerful wizards in history, as you know, and he went to school here, at Hogwarts," Snape replied.

Dumbledore and Snape both know these things probably better than anyone, but they're talking this way solely for the benefit of the audience. The reality is, as a writer, you often do need to convey information to the reader through dialogue. One way this is handled is by having a character speaking to another character who doesn't know this information.

" 'Arry, I dunno how t' tell ya this," Hagrid said, then paused. "Yer mum and dad didn' die in a car crash. It was a dark wizard who done it. You-Know-Who--one o' the darkest wizards in history."

(Yeah, I know, I can't get Hagrid's dialogue quite right without the book in front of me.)

But in this example, we have someone who knows telling someone who doesn't.

Sometimes though, you just can't work that into your story. In that case, the info itself should not be the sum of the dialogue, but often the subtext.

Here is a great example that would have worked fine (although, it of course works better in where it is actually placed)

(Major spoiler alert--since I know some of my followers haven't read or seen all of Harry Potter yet and they want to)

"You said you would keep her safe," Snape said.
"Lily and James put their faith in the wrong person, Severus, rather like you," Dumbledore said. "The boy survives."
"He doesn't need protection. The dark lord is gone!"
"The dark lord will return. And when he does, the boy will be in terrible danger," Dumbledore said. "He has her eyes."

And then as the scene goes on, you could subtly fill in more info the reader needs.

Straightforward Dialogue (Bonus)

Often the most powerful dialogue is indirect. In the spoilery example above, one of the many reasons it was so powerful was because of all that it implies--it's indirect. It has subtext. Notice how a very straightforward version takes out some of the power:

(Still spoilery )

"You said you would keep her safe," Snape said.
"I did my best to keep them safe. Voldemort killed Lily and James when they trusted Peter Pettigrew as their Secret Keeper. Their son survived Voldemort's attack. He will need protection."
"He doesn't need protection. The dark lord is gone!"
"The dark lord will return. And when he does, he'll want to kill the boy," Dumbledore said. "I know how much you loved Lily, so you must do all you can to keep the boy safe."

Sure, the dialogue is okay, but it's lost some of its power.

Other times, the straightforward is not so lucky:

"Jennifer, I love you! I love you so much! I love you more than the moon and the sun," Cole said.
"I didn't like you at first, but I guess over time I came to like you too," Jennifer said. "Maybe we can be friends for now though."

Straightforward dialogue releases tension. It has a place in storytelling for sure (like when it's time for the tension to be released). But most of your dialogue should not be so straightforward. In life, people often speak indirectly about things, and their words reveal more than what they are actually saying. Good dialogue does too. It says more than what's on the page.

If you are interested in my editing services, you can visit FawkesEditing.com

For more on dialogue, check out my other tips:

Writing Realistic and Complex Dialogue

Kicking "Great" Dialogue up to "Killer" Dialogue

Breaking Writing Rules Right: "Only Use 'Said'"

Generic Dialogue—Staaaahp

(Don't) Tell Me How You Really Feel

Visit the Writing Tip Index for all of my writing tips organized by topic. 

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Breaking Writing Rules Right: "Only Use 'Said'"

You may have heard the writing rule that the only dialogue tag you should use is "said." And if not "said" then "asked." Sometimes even "stated" gets mentioned. In this post, I'll explain what that rule means, why it's in place, and when to break it.

What's the Rule?

In writing, the dialogue tag is the bit of text that tells the reader who spoke what dialogue:

"Are you hungry?" Jimmy asked.
"Please don't suggest we have raw fish," Oscar said.
"You only hated it because the first piece you had wasn't fresh," Jimmy insisted.
"Or because it tasted like gym socks," Oscar complained.

There are dozens if not hundreds of dialogue tags--blurted, groaned, sighed, cried, shouted, yelled, griped, moaned, and the list goes on.

But there is a rule in the writing world that we should pretty much only use "said" and "asked."

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Writing Realistic and Complex Dialogue

Anonymous asked: Hi! Congrats for your blog. I think your posts are very interesting :) How do yo write realistic and complex dialogues? Thank you!

Hi and thank you! ^_^

Great question. I used to be pretty clueless about what made good dialogue. I even bought two books on dialogue, and they were helpful, but didn’t give me the answers or depth I was looking for. They were more about the basics. I’ve tried to study dialogue over the years and I’ll share what I know. This is assuming you already know the basics. If not, or you need a refresher, here are some great articles:

Keep it Simple: Keys to Realistic Dialogue (Part 1)
Keep it Simple: Keys to Realistic Dialogue (Part 2)

To be honest, I don’t agree with everything in those articles, but I agree with 99% of it and all of those points are what you will hear taught in the writing world. But here are more tips beyond that:

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Generic Dialogue—Staaaahp

Sometimes when I'm editing manuscripts, and usually this happens in very good manuscripts, I run into generic dialogue. Often it comes from a villain, or a hero in a heroic moment, but really, any intense emotional moment can be prone to it.

Generic dialogue isn't bad dialogue, per se. It's just "blah" dialogue. Sometimes it sounds showy or theatrical, but doesn't feel that way because we've heard it in dozens of other stories. Things like the hero saying, "Pick on someone your own size," or "You're going to regret you ever did that!" and the villain saying things like, "Don't let them escape!" or "You'll wish you had never been born."

They're generic.They're stock. And they don't really do anything for the story.

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Kicking "Great" Dialogue up to "Killer" Dialogue (with Interstellar)

I'll start off by being honest. This post can't decide if it wants to be an Interstellar post about dialogue, or a dialogue post with Interstellar as examples. In a lot of ways, there's not much difference. But basically, I'm going to talk about strategies you can use to help kick your dialogue up.

Similar to my What I Learned about Writing Action Scenes post and my 15+ Tactics for Writing Humor post, I've been . . . unsatisfied with the information available on writing killer dialogue. I read a couple of books on it and writing tips, but you know, I'm obsessive, and I wanted more.

Most of the dialogue tips I've read have been either on the grammatical basics of how to write dialogue, or really about how not to write dialogue. They might go through how to punctuate dialogue, and then talk about what not to do. They talk about bad dialogue.

Yeah, well, what about beyond all that stuff?

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Actions Vs. Words: the Loud and the Quiet

You might have an idea of what this post will be about based on the title. "Actions speak louder than words," right? Some people are "all talk and no action," blah blah blah--most of us have heard all those sayings before. True, all of those cliches are techniques you can incorporate in your writing, specifically in your characters. But this post is taking the whole actions vs. words in a different direction, one you probably haven't heard or thought about before. I hadn't until recently.

Last week I was watching a t.v. show where the lead female character spends most of her time yelling, complaining, and bossing others around. She's basically the only female character in the whole show. And she's loud, self-centered, and annoying. She talks a lot.

What is with this girl? I wondered. Is this how the writers view women? 

Then, I think, on a subconscious level, I remembered that saying, "actions speak louder than words." So I started watching what she did. I soon realized I had misjudged her. She's the most intelligent character on the show. She talks a lot about herself, but she's actually not self-centered; she often volunteers to help others out. She lets strangers stay at her home when they have nowhere else to go. She's decisive and independent. Without her talents and abilities, the show wouldn't even exist.

She doesn't boast about her good qualities. They're subtle. They're quiet. You'll miss them if you aren't looking for them. She's a better person than she appears to be.

Because her shortcomings are so loud, I couldn't see passed them to her strengths.

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What Else You Need to Know Most About Character Voice

Here's part 2 of my article on character voice. In part 1(you can read it here) I came up with this formula:

What the Character Thinks or Talks about + How She Says it = Voice

And I discussed the first portion of it, using Hobbits from The Lord of the Rings as examples. They often choose to talk about food and rarely talk about battle tactics. Also note, that what your character chooses to say in a given situation often reveals what he's thinking about in that moment. Today I'll explore the next part.

How Your Character Talks

Education, culture, experience, interests, and social circles factor in to how your character delivers his lines. Consider speech patterns and word choice as well. 


Back to my examples of the nutritionist, the fashionista, and the dentist from last time. Their interests influence how they speak. They will have a wider range of vocabulary for dieting, clothes, and teeth. The fashionista, for example, probably wouldn't say, "she's wearing a blue shirt." She'd say, "she's wearing a teal tunic with lace along the hem, Swarovski drop earrings, and she's carrying a patent leather Coach purse in coral."








Listen to how the Hobbits talk:

"It's like the great stories, Mr. Frodo. . .Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think I do, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. . . . .Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something." --Samwise Gamgee

Notice words like "Mr. Frodo," and "Folk," help establish Sam's voice. Pretend, instead, Gandalf said this. The words and speech patterns would be different. Instead of "lots of chances" he might say "many opportunities." He might pause in different places and use different sentence structures. He's far more educated and experienced than Sam, so he'd say those same thoughts in a different way.

Then think how Gollum would say those thoughts. . . oh, wait, he wouldn't say those thoughts. Gollum doesn't think like that. That's voice too.

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5 Types of Nonverbal Communication for Characters' Conversations

Lately I've been talking a little about dialogue, but you know what? Almost ALL of communication is nonverbal. Another writer, John Harper wrote this article on nonverbal communication in response to my blog post. If you haven't invested much time into thinking about body language in your writing, hopefully you will after you read this:

93% of all communication is not spoken. It is in the hand gestures, the facial expressions, and the body position where most communication happens.

Just think about this for a moment. 93%. If you spoke seven sentences you would have communicated 93 times through other forms. That is a lot. That is almost all of it. In fact, in some circumstances in fiction, dialogue may not be needed at all to convey character emotion and thoughts. More than likely, however, the verbal communication will instead be backed up by a host of nonverbal communication.

So what does that mean for us writers? Well if you aren't writing about the nonverbal communication then you are ignoring 93% of the information available, and giving the reader only 7% of what is 'happening' in the conversation. Obviously you are not going to write every single piece of nonverbal communication that occurs in a conversation, but ignoring it completely will be at your peril. You should be providing enough detail to allow the reader to gauge the emotion of the conversationalists.

Consider a party: lots of people, lots of conversation, but only 7% of information is being conveyed through spoken words - the content of the conversation. How it was delivered, how the person feels about what they are saying, this is all communication that people can see and pick up on, but it is all nonverbal. It provides subtext by reinforcing what the person is saying or acting as juxtaposition, showing they don't believe what they are saying. It also conveys the relationship between the conversationalists (e.g. alpha male, domineering boss, secret lover, etc).

Nonverbal communication is often subconscious. We do it without thinking. It just happens, an autonomous response to stimuli. Often we try to control our nonverbal communication, e.g. by hiding our surprise or anger. But hiding a response is a conscious decision. Reacting to a stimulus is subconscious, so even if you try to cover up your reaction you will more than likely have a brief flash of true communication before you smother it with something else. Body language is all the movements we make as well as involuntary reactions that show our reactions when we communicate. It is a large part of nonverbal communication and can be separated into the following groups:

1) Communication by Touch

Touching can often occur during conversation. Touch may be friendly, coercive or dominating. It can communicate understanding, comfort, encouragement, flirtation, pleasure, threats, manipulations and assault.

Some people touch frequently, like kids and older people. Those that have been abused are very anti-touch and will likely have strong physical reactions to being touched.

What is your character's background? Why do they touch (or not)? Will the reader understand the touch or misconstrue it?

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(Don't) Tell Me How You Really Feel

I’ve been thinking about dialogue lately. Particularly, I’ve been interested in dialogue where characters don’t say what they mean. In Making Shapely Fiction by Jerome Stern, Stern notes,

“Advice about dialogue generally starts with discussing what your characters say. It might be better to start off with what your characters don’t say and the way they don’t....the more intense the feelings, the more likely people are to say the opposite of what they really mean. If you want to keep a high level of tension, keep the dialogue evasive, filled with suppressed information and unstated emotion.”

He also says that how a character sits, stands, fidgets, pauses, or adverts eyes can be as important as his or her words.

Three examples of narratives that follow Stern's advice are The Office, The Hunger Games, and The Lord of the Rings.

Here are some clips to illustrate. The first video takes place when Michael Scott, one of the main characters of The Office, leaves Dunder Mifflin. Watch how Jim avoids (and gets Michael to avoid) saying what they actually think and feel. The second video is very short, but you can clearly tell through Ryan's tone and facial expression that his words are an understatement of what he actually thinks.


Often The Office plays with the gap between what characters say and actually think for humor.

For The Hunger Games I couldn't find the clip I wanted, but it's the scene at the starting where Katniss and Gale are talking in the forest. In the book, Gale says "We could do it, you know...Leave the district. Run off. Live in the woods. You and I, we could make it." In the same conversation, when Katniss says she never wants to have kids, Gales says, "I might. If I didn't live here." And later, Gale gets frustrated and snaps at Katniss.

What Gale really wants is to be in a relationship with Katniss, but he can't say it straight out. And Katniss, who never intends to live a lifestyle that includes a significant other, doesn't catch on. Gale's real frustration lies in the fact that Katniss doesn't pick up on what he's getting at. That's why he snaps back at her.

And for my last example, I have the very last scene of The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. Here is the dialogue between Frodo and Sam.

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