One year ago, I shared my dissection of Twilight, going deep into its characters, plot, and themes to uncover its strengths and weaknesses (and how to improve those weaknesses). Perhaps I am just as surprised as you that I went on to do its sequel. . .
There are almost no writing breakdowns for New Moon. And as I alluded to in my Twilight dissection, quite frankly, most people in the writing community don't want to touch anything from the Twilight Saga. And I get it. From the writing standpoint, this series has a lot of "flaws" and rule breaks (and I don't think they came from a place of experience and know-how).
So, people are sometimes surprised when I bring up Twilight. . . . But when you think about it, it's really not that surprising. . . .
For my day job, I've chosen to read imperfect novels, often from new writers, and point out what is working well, what isn't, and how to make it better. Stories are my passion. Writing, editing, dissecting, and analyzing them.
Looking at New Moon is little different. I love my work. And I love doing this.
Dissecting the Twilight Saga is also a great way for me to show what I do as a professional. It's famous--so people are familiar with it. It's also clearly written by a newbie--so it has plenty of flaws to address.
Though, of course, according to cash inflow, this story is working great already!
Yet from a critical standpoint, it's far from perfect. (That doesn't mean you can't like it, though. I like a lot of imperfect stories. I mean, again, I've chosen to work with them for a living.)
So let's get into New Moon, and I'm gonna take you through its "bones"--its solid ones, and fractured ones, and what I'd suggest to make it better, to mend it (while still staying true to the overall story).
Interestingly, while Twilight was the first book Stephenie Meyer ever wrote (literally), New Moon was not the second. It's the third. Before Meyer had even finished editing Twilight to send out to agents, she started writing a sequel called Forever Dawn (I'm sure by the title, you can guess which volume a lot of its material ended up in). Like Twilight, she was completely writing for herself, not publication.
Once Twilight was getting published, Meyer knew Forever Dawn wouldn't work as a sequel for the public, for her YA readers--she'd skipped over most of Bella's adolescence. So she went back to the "storyboard" to brainstorm what could have happened in between.
And that's how we got New Moon.
Let's see how this story stacks up.
***
And because this is a long one, I wanted to list its sections upfront.
My Thoughts on Revisiting New Moon
Before the Revisit
First Impressions
End Impressions
Character Arcs & Themes
The Relationship Plotline as the Primary Plotline
The Structural "Skeleton" of New Moon
Act I: Moving from Couple to Single & Acquaintances to Friends
Act II, Part I: Moving from Friends to Best Friends
Act II, Part II: Moving from Best Friends (to Potential Lovers) to Separation
Act III: Moving from Single to Couple & Separation to Potential Enemies
Editorial Feedback ("Fixing" New Moon)
Act II, Part II
Act III
My Thoughts on Revisiting New Moon
Before the Revisit
When I think of New Moon, I often think of it as the "weird one" because of the premise of Bella's internal journey. Her objective is essentially to be reckless and stupid in order to have hallucinations of her ex-boyfriend. But then I remember the rest of the series, and think, no, in some ways this series just gets progressively weirder.
And like it or hate it, and however intentional or unintentional it was, I feel like that weirdness is part of what makes the Twilight Saga, the Twilight Saga. It's in the brand.
Lately I've been seeing some people trying to lump this series in with the more updated term of "romantasy," which I can kind of get, but really, this was originally labeled as a "paranormal romance," and "paranormal" is often used for things that are strange, dark, and even at times, unsettling. Sometimes when I'm reading or watching the Twilight Saga (mainly the last one), I feel like I'm watching an X-Files episode. And like a series was made from pulling out and fleshing out a "monster of the week" episode.
In a rather strange, bizarre way, I feel like this might work as one of the draws of the series. It's often effective to write with widely contrasting emotions--humor hits more effectively when balanced out with drama (not by adding more humor), for example. In this series, often the romantic, blissful elements are contrasted with unsettling, monstrous concepts.
And while I've always felt a little weird about the premise of Bella's personal journey in this volume, looking at it again, I saw surprising potential.
This is a girl who spent most of her life being the safe, responsible "parent" to others, and she's lost the first relationships of her life where she wasn't the one having to do that.
Being reckless and stupid may be part of the journey she needs to grow out of parentification . . . perhaps?
Furthermore, from a branding perspective--how do you keep Edward in the story, when he's not physically in the story, for most of it? When the book is from Bella's perspective? All you have to work with are memories . . . and apparently a step up from that, delusions.
Yes, it sounds a little silly and odd, but considering Edward was the true protagonist of the previous book, and who the audience fell in love with, it seems a bad move to cut him almost completely from the second book. And it would have been rather difficult to give Edward his own POV plotline, for reasons I mentioned previously (he's overpowered like Sherlock Holmes), and because it would have changed the context we viewed Bella's journey through.
So maybe the premise seems a little strange in places, but maybe it also has potential and makes some marketing sense.
It's not a premise I would have chosen to write about. And my blog series here isn't meant to be about what story I would have written. Rather, I'm going over how I would "edit" and offer feedback to a writer who has chosen to write this one.
If we were writing the story from scratch, we could ask if Edward really needs to leave Forks (Stephenie Meyer would say yes, because she writes from character first, and that's exactly what Edward would do), but having him stay would have created a completely different story.
First Impressions
Getting into this book again, it became very clear, very early, that Meyer had grown significantly as a writer since the first volume. Again, is everything handled perfectly and to its fullest potential? No. But her writing and plotting improved a lot in this one.
There is less filler, less play-by-plays, less of Bella being a passive spectator, more complex situations and relationship turns, and way better promises and foreshadowing. There is a little melodrama, but overall, this was a big improvement.
While Bella was kind of a bland "everyman" POV character in the prior book, in here she has more personality. She's also now more of a protagonist--she's struggling the most, taking action, trying to solve problems (and also creating some), exercising meaningful agency, and resolving a main conflict.
In Twilight, there wasn't an external plotline until Act III, but in here, Bella is creating the external plotline by pursuing clear goals--buying and fixing up motorcycles, taking hikes to find the meadow, confronting Jacob and his pack, going cliff jumping, racing to Italy to save Edward. Even before the main plotline fully takes off, Bella actively pursues the goal of taking photos of everyone and everything in Forks for her scrapbook, so she can remember them when she leaves with her new vampire family. Unlike Twilight, she's actively doing things, and she's more assertive.
One might would think that since Edward was the true protagonist of Twilight, that Jacob would be in New Moon. But that's not the case. After all, Jacob's only really in Act II. And Bella is in more of a protagonist role now. So this time Jacob is acting as the deuteragonist (though that is maybe debatable in the third quarter, which I'll get to).
Overall, it seemed like this book was off to a great start.
End Impressions
After the midpoint, things started to go off the rails. I'm not saying the concepts aren't interesting--they are. I'm just saying, objectively, the structure started getting off track. For the third quarter, Bella becomes a passive character again, with goals so bland, they are almost nonexistent. She could have been utilized and involved way more.
I think because of this, the plot turns got off on the timing--what should have been Plot Point 2, is Turn C, what should have been the climax, is Turn D (you'll see what I mean below).
There are several beats in here that feel like lost opportunities to me, where good ideas seemed to be (intentionally?) set aside for "safer," "easier" writing choices.
Also the character arcs and theme didn't hit as powerfully as they could have in the last act. In fact, I even feel that some moments undermine them.
In a strange way, it sometimes feels like New Moon has the opposite strengths and weaknesses of Twilight.
While Twilight had a weak external plotline and a weak POV character, it had great themes and character arcs. While New Moon has a better external plotline and a stronger POV character, its themes and arcs are handled more clumsily (though as I mentioned, there is still some good potential).
This is not to say that the second half of New Moon is no good whatsoever. It's still fun, and it still has some great moments; it's just that things got off and never quite got back on.
Which frankly, the editor in me kind of liked, because I got to have more fun "revising" it.
Character Arcs & Themes
In New Moon, Bella holds the dominant character arc and works as the main vehicle for the story's themes.
Her life has been blissful recently, but that starts to change after a dangerous incident at the Cullens', and then the subsequent breakup with Edward. This rocks her entire world, and contrary to how people tend to remember the story, she doesn't become depressed over Edward breaking up with her (though that is a big part of it); she becomes depressed because she's also lost her best friend, new "family," the entire supernatural world, and her planned future to be part of it. The Cullens have also tried to take away her past; Edward removes every photo, every item that could remind her of their existence. She's lost her past, present, and future.
That would make anyone depressed.
Her relationship with Edward (and the Cullens) was the first relationship where someone was taking care of her, instead of her taking care of someone else. She'd never had to be the "parent" with them.
For months, Bella is numb, though she's trying hard to stay responsible--but that changes one night when she's out with Jessica and seemingly "hears" Edward warning her to stay away from some unsavory men. This is the first time she's felt anything since the Cullens left.
Though Edward had her promise not to do anything reckless or stupid when he broke up with her, Bella realizes this is what makes her feel again. It also seems to come with the added bonus that she can "hear" Edward's voice--which makes the time she'd previously spent with him feel real. Is she crazy and delusional? Perhaps.
But this forms her wants for the story. She wants to do the exact opposite of what she promised. "I wanted to be stupid and reckless, and I wanted to break promises."
It sounds a bit silly, but as I mentioned above, perhaps this is an understandable thing for a parentified teenager to do--actually act like a teenager.
This propels Bella's internal journey and helps make up her arc in the story. It also informs and kicks off the external plot--she's gonna do this by buying, fixing up, and riding a motorcycle (something Charlie, her father, has previously forbidden her to do)--and ties her to the relationship plot--she needs Jacob to do this.
As Bella pursues recklessness, irresponsibility, and even delusions, she eventually cliff jumps and, forgetting to account for the changing currents, almost drowns. This traumatic experience, coupled with Harry's heart attack, smacks her back to reality and gives her a big wake-up call.
She has been incredibly stupid, reckless, and irresponsible, chasing after delusions, which not only hurts herself, but those around her. (It also forces upon others more responsibility.)
Bella realizes she needs to embrace reality and change her ways. Unfortunately, that isn't as easy as being an adrenaline junkie and living in a nonreality. The idea of giving up her delusions and growing up and being responsible sounds miserable. But maybe she has to do it.
While I'd like to see her choose and act on these ideas more explicitly, definitively in the text (a lost opportunity), this comes full circle when she ultimately saves Edward from his recklessness, stupidity, and delusions. While he has (figuratively) been trying to keep her safe (as an illusion) from all her dangerous choices, Bella is the one to literally, physically save Edward's life from his.
This has some nice potential, where after learning her lesson and embracing a painful reality, Bella rescues and teaches the love of her life the truth (the theme), freeing him from the lies he believed.
The text doesn't quite get there though. The "bones" are in place, but they aren't really solid or organized properly. While Bella does confront Edward later on for being incredibly irresponsible and stupid, parts of these arcs, and the theme, get undermined. So much potential. But not quite hitting the mark! I'd love to fix that (which I'll talk about below).
So, I would argue that the main theme topics being explored are recklessness & irresponsibility vs. safety & responsibility (and perhaps delusions vs. reality).
Which would have been even more impactful if Meyer had used these to help Bella overcome flaws and weaknesses that stem from parentification (which would have also improved her characterization). But alas . . . Meyer made a different choice.
Overall I would say, the thematic statement that is being conveyed here, is that it's better (for ourselves and our loved ones) to embrace reality and be responsible, than to be reckless and irresponsible, in pursuing a nonreality.
There are also some thematic things going on with the concept of promises--keeping promises vs. breaking promises. This comes up quite a bit, but the arguments are a bit vague to me. What is the story saying about promises? I'm not really sure.
The closest thematic statement I can make here is that "promises are difficult to keep" or that they are more difficult than we think to keep. Maybe that's the closest.
I would have loved to see the story make clearer arguments about promises, but at this point, it's a little blurry.
While there are some stories where no real thematic argument comes out as "correct" or "true," usually there are still arguments--it's just left for the reader to decide which argument they think is right. (See vagueness vs. ambiguity.)
But then, this is a secondary theme, so that may be less important.
Speaking of secondary themes, often what happens in a series like this (one that is not episodic), is the themes from the first book will trickle down through the remaining books. This happens in New Moon, and those themes were much more interesting to me (and stronger, I thought) than those about recklessness and promises.
The first book explored self-control and what it means to be a monster. New Moon touches on those too, but in a different situation, which brings in nuance.
Like vampires, werewolves also struggle with self-control. They are also in danger of losing themselves and harming their loved ones--just as Sam accidentally sliced up Emily's face when he shifted into a werewolf. Rather than this being triggered by a biological thirst, it's triggered by powerful emotions. In order to be safe and responsible, they have to control their emotions. Like Edward, though much paler in comparison, at the end of New Moon Jacob implies that he's safe for Bella to be around, because he loves her enough to stay in control.
The werewolves themselves though, bring in some nuance with the concept of control. The alpha of the pack can literally control the others by giving direct orders on what they can or can't do. The wolves have no "self-control" to be able to disobey. They must act according to his desires. In a kind of terrifying yet poignant way, this plays into the concept of losing yourself to your "monster" nature, which gets emphasized even more when the concept of imprinting is introduced later in the series (for better or for worse 🙃). When a wolf imprints, he loses his original identity.
In New Moon, Jacob is already starting to lose himself to his "monster" nature. The movie downplays this more, but in the book, he is darker, and Bella remarks multiple times she does not like the way he is changing, how being a werewolf is changing him. He's not the happy, cheerful Jacob he was in the beginning. He continues his descent through the series, to the point he's even willing to kill Bella's baby. His journey is completed when he imprints instead--the original Jacob is gone, and he's never coming back.
While Edward's journey through the series is meant to be about finding himself by overcoming his "monster" nature. Jacob's, in contrast, is about losing himself by succumbing to his "monster" one.
By the end of the series, he's no longer "Jacob Black." The scariest part of it is, unlike Edward, Jacob ultimately, literally, has no control over his fate. Jacob's journey is the complete antithesis of self-control.
But we can get into that more, later.
The thematic question of "What makes a monster--nature or behavior?" which was brought up in the first book, is brought up again in New Moon, perhaps even more explicitly than it was in Twilight. Like Edward, Jacob believes he's a monster by nature, but once again, Bella believes one is a monster through behavior. A werewolf isn't a monster, but a murderer is.
Bella doesn't care that Jacob is a werewolf. But she won't idly stand by if he's a murderer.
Those are the themes that are most interesting to me.
There are some other ideas in here that many would find problematic. The concept that one isn't whole if they aren't with their true love is definitely in here. It's also a main part of the plot that Edward is willing to kill himself if Bella is dead. However I want to clarify it's not because he's not with Bella; it's that he can't bear to exist in a world she doesn't exist in. Like a lot of people, I don't think this is okay, but it should be mentioned that Bella doesn't either (and no one else in the book does either)! Yet it does admittedly fit Edward's character.
As I mentioned in my dissection of Twilight, Edward already hated himself for being a monster before Bella walked into his life. As a vampire, he feels he is the scum of the earth, or actually, worse, too terrible even to get to go to hell. (Which is the misbelief he needs to arc out of in the series.)
It doesn't seem like a stretch that he would become suicidal if she died. Healthy? Definitely not. Plausible? Yes. It's also worth acknowledging that plenty of people have struggled with suicidal ideation when a loved one died.
In contrast, Bella is completely against people unaliving themselves, and she makes this very clear in the opening of the book.
If the themes and arcs were handled better, this all could have been developed into something poignant and meaningful--after all, Bella almost accidentally kills herself because she isn't thinking clearly, and then she runs off to save Edward from intentionally doing the same. There is plenty to work with here on this subject, and it could have been done with care.
But no, instead the book is written so that once she gets to Italy, Bella starts thinking more and more about how she doesn't want to live in a world where Edward is killed.
It's clear from the first installment that part of her characterization is that she lacks a proper sense of self-preservation (likely from parentification), and New Moon would have been the perfect opportunity for Bella to arc out of that flaw, after she nearly drowns. So many pieces are there, but they don't get there on the page. This would have then made it more impactful when she rescues Edward, who needs to embrace self-preservation himself (and Bella could have helped lead the way). (Maybe not the best idea for a teenager in reality, but from a story structure standpoint, it could have been something resonating).
But I'm getting ahead of myself. Revision ideas are for below!
Moving on . . .
The Relationship Plotline as the Primary Plotline
As I mentioned previously in my dissection of Twilight, the primary plotline, the A Story, is the relationship plotline (or plotlines). This means it's unfair, to some degree, to compare this story to others where the external plotline is the primary.
I've seen Youtubers talking about how flimsy this story is, by comparing its external plotline, which is the B Story, to other stories' external plotlines, which is their A Story.
But that's not really fair, because the B Story doesn't carry the same weight as the A Story.
If you are going to compare the Twilight Saga to other stories by plotlines, it's better to compare it to something like Wicked, or another romance--to stories where the relationship plotline is also the A Story.
Many people don't understand this though. To compare a story that has a relationship A Story to one that has an external plotline as the A Story, is sort of like comparing a romance to a thriller. Yeah, you can do that to an extent, but they are different genres, and so they function differently.
I mean, it can be useful to make such comparisons in some situations; we might get ideas for the external plotline in the romance, or the romance plotline in the thriller by doing that. But it's not really fair to argue a romance sucks because it isn't a thriller.
I feel like that's important to always keep in mind.
Anyway . . . As I mentioned before, this means the primary plot is about the push and pull of a relationship. This also means there is some sort of adhesion that pulls the two together, and a repellent that pushes them apart.
In New Moon, Bella needing help with the motorcycles works as the initial adhesion--pulling her and Jacob together. Jacob's romantic feelings are (ironically) the repellent that pushes them apart; Bella only wants to be friends. Things change as the story progresses, but this is how it starts.
For Edward and Bella, the forces are largely the same. Their love for each other draws them together, while the vampiric realities (both within and without Edward) push them apart.
The Structural "Skeleton" of New Moon
If you need an explanation of what these turns mean, check out this post (though you can follow along well enough without it.)
I also wanted to take a moment and talk about the relationship labels I used. . . . In my Twilight dissection, these labels fit almost perfectly: "classmates to friends," "friends to couple," "couple to separation," etc. You don't have to do this sort of thing to write a great relationship story. The values you are ultimately working with are close vs. distant. Are the characters drawing closer? Or becoming more distant? I could just as well have said previously with Twilight: "distant to close," "close to closer," "close to (physically) distant," etc. Relationship labels can be useful, but not everything fits them perfectly, so don't over-prioritize them.
New Moon's relationship arcs are a bit more complex, mainly the one with Jacob. At major turns Bella and Jacob will go one direction, only to suddenly go the exact opposite direction. This makes it trickier to label, but I decided to go for it anyway, since I used labels with Twilight.
Just know they may not fit perfectly, and I mainly tried to focus on the end state of the relationship at a specific plot point.
Act I: Edward--Moving from Couple to Single; Jacob--Moving from Acquaintances to Friends
Hook
(~1-5%)
Like the previous book, we get a preface of the end again, which works as a teaser.
Then, in the first chapter, it's Bella's birthday (which she's been dreading because it means she's (biologically) older than Edward), and she attends a party at the Cullens', but when she gets a bloody paper cut, Jasper loses control. Edward pushes Bella back, but she lands on a table that crashes, glass shattering and cutting up her arm. She's bleeding badly, and surrounded by five vampires.
After a tense moment, eventually everyone leaves the vicinity except Carlisle, who, as self-controlled as ever, attends to Bella's injury. As they talk, Carlisle reveals they all believe they are damned for being "monsters," and Bella realizes Edward won't turn her because he believes it means Bella will lose her soul.
This event disrupts Bella and Edward's relationship, because it throws into focus how simple things can turn dangerous in a moment (with both the paper cut and him trying to help by "pushing" her out of the way). He's brooding and beating himself up after this, becoming more distant.
Turn A
(~12%)
This continues to build until at Turn A, Edward reveals he and his family are leaving Forks, and Bella isn't coming with them (like she assumed); he's breaking up with her. "Where we're going . . . it's not the right place for you . . . My world is not for you."
He asks her to promise not to do anything reckless or stupid, and in return he promises it will be a clean break, that this will be the last time she sees him; "It will be as if I never existed."
This happens in the forest, but Bella's home is within view. When Edward leaves, though, she, upset, tries to follow him, wandering deeper into the forest and getting lost, until she curls up on the forest floor.
Note: I feel like a lot of people mis-remember what actually happens at this turn. Everyone seems to reduce this moment to Bella losing it and going into a "comatose" state in the forest because of the breakup. But it's more complex than that. This isn't just about losing Edward (though that is a huge part), it's also about losing her best friend Alice, her new family, and an entire world (the supernatural one) that she wants to be part of--that she wishes she was already a part of. She's never felt in sync with the human world, and she's always had to be in a parental role with her close relationships prior to meeting Edward. Her relationship with Edward (and the Cullens) is the first one where she isn't in a caregiver role--where others are actually taking care of her for once.
To add salt to a wound, Edward literally takes everything that she could remember them by--her new presents, all her photos of them, even the CD he made for her (the only thing he doesn't take is the new stereo in her car). He took that entire past with him, as well as any possibility for Bella to be part of that world in the future.
This is sort of akin to Harry being kicked out of the Wizarding World, having all his wizarding possessions taken, and never being allowed back in--it's a lesser version of that, but it's similar. Later in the book, Bella says, "[It was] like I had died. Because it had been more than just losing . . . true love . . . it was also losing a whole future, a whole family--the whole life that I'd chosen." And while I don't think Harry would curl up on a forest floor, I don't think it's a stretch for Bella to. I do think Meyer could have written and handled all this better, and yes, I do think Bella comes off as still a bit too weak, but . . . it does sort of make sense. And it's also not super unusual for the protagonist to appear kind of weak at Turn A--I mean, it's the start of her journey, and her life as she knows it has been upended.
After this point, I also think people tend to remember Bella as doing nothing but languishing in a depressed state. (Probably because of the movie.) But again, that isn't exactly the truth. She struggled somewhat with her responsibilities for a week, but then she got right back on track, never missing school, work, or assignments. She even acknowledges she's not the first person to go through a hard breakup, and that things will get better with time. The problem is that even though she's trying so hard and going through the motions, she's still depressed, and that needs to be addressed. Her dad is worried she's trying too hard to be normal, when she's not. That's the issue.
So no, she didn't just curl up and cry and enter a comatose state just because her boyfriend left.
Plot Point 1
(~20-24%)
There are a series of events that build up to the actual relationship turn here.
With the threat that Charlie will send her to her mom if she doesn't socialize (which Bella fears will only contribute to her time with the Cullens feeling nonexistent), Bella reaches out to Jessica to see a movie in Port Angeles, and afterward, encounters some men who look similar to the predators of the first book. For the first time in months, Bella doesn't feel numb and lifeless.
As she heads toward the dangerous men, she "hears" Edward's voice trying to stop her. This makes him, and all the time she spent with the Cullens, feel "real" again and abates her fears that she'll forget Edward. After this, Bella is hit with the pain and grief she hasn't been feeling, because she'd gone numb. (There are some points worth mentioning here, which are that Bella believes she has the strength to survive her negative emotions, and that she states explicitly she isn't suicidal.)
This moment works as the inciting incident of the internal plotline, because she's unable to go numb again. "Whatever it was that had happened tonight . . . it had woken me up." And it eventually turns her into an "adrenaline junkie." She rationalizes that Edward didn't keep his promise that things would be as if he never existed, so she doesn't need to keep her promise--she determines to be reckless. "I wanted to be stupid and reckless, and I wanted to break promises."
It's worth pointing out that Bella has pretty much always been the responsible one; this is the first time she's embracing teenage "rebelliousness," and acting younger.
She gets two rundown motorcycles--her dad sees motorcycles as dangerous and reckless and doesn't approve of them--to help fulfill her wants, but needs someone who can fix them up. After running through some options, she remembers Jacob Black, and he agrees to take on the projects. This is the initial adhesion that binds them together. This is when they move from acquaintances to friends.
Act II, Part I: Moving from Friends to Best Friends
Turn B
(~32% & ~37%)
External Plotline:
In Act II, Part I, Bella's objective is to "hear" Edward again, so that he seems real, but she's not sure exactly what brings on the effect. She thinks it's being reckless, which is why fixing and riding motorcycles become her external goals. At this point, the motorcycles are ready to go, and Jacob teaches her to ride one, and she does "hear" Edward again, and also crashes and hits her head. Jacob says they better take a break from the motorcycles and find something else to do. Bella determines to find Edward's meadow, privately hoping to experience memories of his presence again and maybe "hear" him, and so suggests to Jacob they start going hiking. Jacob says he'll help her find the place. (Notice this shifts the external goal just a bit.)
(During all this, Jacob confides in Bella his dislike for and fears of Sam and his gang, and what has been going on, on the reservation.)
Relationship Plotline:
Bella organizes another movie outing with friends, but because of a flu going around and people just being busy, she ends up with only Mike and Jacob, who both have crushes on her. Mike gets sick in the movie, and while Bella and Jacob wait outside the bathroom, Jacob becomes more assertive and confident in his romantic feelings for her, but Bella voices she only wants to maintain a friendship with him. Jacob believes that over time, she will change her mind about him. He promises he will never hurt her.
As they take Mike home, Jacob seems to be burning up, and eventually says he must be sick with the flu too (in actuality, he's turning into a werewolf, which means he'll soon join Sam's gang).
After this, Bella struggles to get ahold of Jacob. So in here, first they become closer, then more distant.
Midpoint
(~42% & ~48 - 55%)
External:
With Jake still out of touch with her, Bella succeeds in finding the meadow on her own (it's also worth pointing out that by this time, she's also mastered riding a motorcycle--so both goals are accomplished). It's the same place, yet it doesn't impact her like she wanted.
Then, a vampire is there. Laurent. And it's clear by his eyes, he's been feeding on humans.
Laurent reveals he is here on Victoria's behalf--she wants revenge on Edward, who helped kill her mate (James) in the previous book. Rather than kill Edward, she wants to kill Bella--a mate for a mate.
But given the tantalizing scent of Bella's blood, Laurent decides he wants to feed on her himself.
Bella tries to follow "Edward's" advice to get out of the situation safely. Luckily, several huge wolves enter the meadow and, to Bella's shock, chase Laurent off. (Bella realizes there haven't been bear sightings (and attacks) in the area, but wolf sightings--the societal plotline falls in step with her external and relationship plotlines.)
Bella believes, with the Cullens gone, she is left with no supernatural protection (not yet understanding the wolves' true natures), and fears for her and Charlie's lives.
Note: My main complaint here is that Bella doesn't actually do anything helpful to ultimately get out of the situation with Laurent. Because she's not helping complete that turn, it makes her feel more passive in the plot. Sure, she's only human, but she should have contributed in some way, if not by action, by dropping information that could have aided her and the wolves (even if it was something to simply distract Laurent).
Relationship:
After realizing Sam likely got to Jacob and that's why he's avoiding her, Bella finds and confronts him and Jacob says they can't be friends anymore. He apparently believes in the supernatural now. He seems to struggle staying in control of himself and says he's not "good" anymore. "I'm not good enough to be your friend anymore, or anything else." So themes of "control" and "monster" come into the story again, and once again, Bella voices she doesn't believe that--she doesn't believe he's not good, and argues against it.
That night, Jake comes to her room to make amends, and says he has a secret that isn't his to tell, but maybe she can guess it if she can remember the stories he told her in the previous book. (And speaking of "control," Jake literally, physically can't tell, because the alpha demands it.) He talks of his promise to her, and how he already blew it.
After he leaves, and Bella gets some more sleep, she puts it together. Jacob, Sam, and the others of the "gang" are werewolves. She'd thought previously they were like a cult, but now she realizes they are a pack. She recalls the wolf sighting and attacks; people have died. Charlie explains rangers and armed volunteers are going into the forest to try to shoot the wolves, right away.
Bella is faced with a crisis: Stop Charlie to keep him safe from the wolves? Or go and confront Jacob? (This puts her in a position to do something that makes a difference, as the protagonist.)
She considers what it means to be a monster, which again, she bases on behavior rather than nature: "Jacob was my best friend, but was he a monster, too? A real one? A bad one? Should I warn him if he and his friends . . . were murderers?" and "I couldn't be friends with a killer and say nothing, let the killing continue. . . that would make me a monster too." and "It was bad enough my best friend was a werewolf. Did he have to be a monster, too?"
She finds and confronts Jacob, asks if he can try not to be a werewolf, and Jacob says he can't control that. "I'm sorry I can't be the right kind of monster for you, Bella. I guess I'm not as great as a bloodsucker, am I?"
Bella responds, "It's not what you are, stupid, it's what you do!"
It comes out there has been a misunderstanding. The wolves aren't murdering innocents; vampires are. The wolves are trying to stop the vampires. Jacob is relieved she doesn't hate him for being a "monster" by nature--he thought she would.
The wolves have been trying to get Victoria, but they don't understand her behavior; Bella reveals she's after her, and can provide insight to help the pack.
It's made clear that as a werewolf, Jacob struggles with self-control. If he gets too mad or upset, he could phase and hurt others around him. "It's not safe for you." He also now has more responsibilities to attend to.
Through Act II, Part I, the relationship has moved from friends to best friends, despite the pull of Jacob wanting to be more, then the push of him (temporarily) "breaking up" their friendship.
The external goal for the next quarter is to defeat Victoria.
Note: In contrast to above, Bella is helping complete the turns here, which is great (and arguably more important).
Act II, Part II: Moving from Best Friends (to Potential Lovers) to Separation
Turn C (Jacob's Grand Gesture)
(~61 - 66%)
Bella and Jacob draw closer, and others think they are dating, though Bella maintains a friendship. Jacob confides in her his personal experience of being a werewolf; "The hardest part is feeling . . . out of control. . . .Sometimes I'm afraid that I'm losing myself." And Bella shares her pain over the Cullens. "I was getting deeper and deeper with Jacob without ever having consciously decided to progress in that direction."
Jacob promises he will take her cliff jumping, but it turns out he and the pack are on Victoria's trail, so he's unable (broken promise).
Bored with nothing to do, Bella decides to go cliff diving by herself. If she doesn't go now, a storm will come in, and she won't get to go at all. She's so focused on the cliffs, she forgets to account for the currents changing in the water, and gets caught in one.
She experiences the most vivid illusion of Edward--she actually visually "sees" him this time--as she's drowning. He urges her to keep swimming, but she starts to give into the waters. She's so happy to "see" him.
Jacob rescues her, saving her life (his Grand Gesture). She'd felt lost in the waters, but he'd found her.
She asks if they found Victoria, but Jacob says no; they followed her trail to the water (later, Bella will realize she glimpsed her in the water). No one in the pack got hurt, and no one fought Victoria.
As Bella recovers at Jacob's house, he explains Harry Clearwater had an unrelated heart attack, and Bella realizes how truly stupid she's been. "Nobody needed to be worrying about me right now. What a stupid time to be reckless." She reconsiders all the stupid, reckless, irresponsible things she's been doing, and how they could have hurt and affected other people.
She realizes she should embrace reality and change her ways. That's not as easy as chasing adrenaline and living in a nonreality--her delusions. It would be miserable giving that up and trying to be a grown-up (responsibility). But maybe she could do it.
For the first time, she seriously considers entering a romantic relationship with Jacob. It wouldn't be the same as being with Edward of course, and she'd be transparent with Jacob about everything, but maybe it's the best path forward. Maybe it's the happiest she can be.
When Jacob takes her home, she considers kissing him, but before she makes up her mind, he smells a vampire, and Bella sees by the car it's a Cullen. Jacob feels betrayed when she chooses to go to her vampire visitor, his natural enemy, over staying with him. Alice is inside, having seen a "vision" of Bella jumping off a cliff, seemingly killing herself; Bella fills her in on the truth.
Note: While there are some good ideas in here, some of them feel underdeveloped, weak, or at least like lost opportunities to me. In this quarter, Bella has been put back into a passive role--her "external goal" is essentially to wait and do nothing in La Push while the wolves do the work. Since she would make amazing (intentional) bait, this feels like a lost opportunity. I can get that maybe the idea was to emphasize her recklessness and stupidity with her cliff jumping, but there could have been a way to satisfy both those things, keeping her active in the plot.
There is no definitive victory or failure with Victoria in this book, which is really odd, since that was the main external goal that kicked off this quarter, the major turn of the midpoint. It's also strange to me that Meyer has Bella realize Victoria was in the water, when Bella is home--theoretically, it would have been better if she and Jacob had had to face (or at least worry about) Victoria when swimming. Additionally, it's rarely a good idea to have a bored protagonist . . . and then have that boredom lead to her almost killing herself. Harry's death should have related to the external plotline too (which the film "fixed").
Much of the content here rings of being a Plot Point 2, not a Turn C. I'm not necessarily opposed to that, but looking at how the rest of the book is structured, it would have been better to develop this quarter more and push this to Plot Point 2 (I'll explain more why, below).
I do like Jacob fishing her out ("finding" her in the water when Edward didn't in the forest), and her romantic consideration of him--these are great for the relationship plotline. I also like the headway Bella makes with her internal journey, which is noticeably thematic. (I only wish she had definitively, explicitly chosen to embrace reality and let go of chasing illusions. In the text, it's implied that's what she should do, but she doesn't fully commit to it.)
. . . I'll have more suggestions in the section below.
Plot Point 2
(~72 - 75%)
Alice stays over, and eventually Jacob comes back to Bella's, asking how long Alice will be here. He emphasizes that as long as a Cullen is here, he can't protect her in Forks, only La Push (because of the treaty).
By this point, Jacob is seeming less and less like his old self, and Bella fears any kind of friendship with him is over. Seeing this, Jacob apologizes for breaking his promise to her again. They resolve to be friends, despite Bella's relationship with vampires. "'I'll always be your friend,' he said gruffly. 'No matter what you love.' 'Promise?' 'Promise.""
Jacob refuses to be around Alice, and it comes out that he doesn't think he has the self-control to not phase and attack her, which would ruin the treaty and hurt Bella.
As Bella and Jacob stare at each other for a long moment, the atmosphere changes. Bella senses herself in the same crisis as before: kiss or reject Jacob? She recognizes, though, that he is not the same Jacob. Being a werewolf is changing him. As he moves in closer, the phone rings. Jacob answers, saying Charlie isn't home, and "He's at the funeral."
Alice rushes back, stricken, and Bella learns it was Edward on the phone. Alice has "seen" that, thinking Bella is dead, Edward has made the decision to end his life by going to the Volturi. They immediately make plans to leave and rescue him.
Jacob wants Bella to choose to stay, to choose him, over going to try to rescue a vampire; he fears she will end up dead.
But Bella being Bella, immediately leaves with Alice.
Note: While normally I would expect and want to see the protagonist making a choice whether or not to kiss the love interest here, I'm actually okay with that getting interrupted in this particular story (plus that crisis shows up again in the next book). Jacob answering the phone, not allowing Bella to talk, and misleading Edward (though in the book, Edward is posing as Carlisle) works as a soft (somewhat unintended) rejection toward Bella. Then soon after, Bella leaving Jacob despite his requests, works as a direct rejection to Jacob. These are the moments that definitively turn the relationship (not the potential kiss). If these moments didn't exist, then I might take issue.
(Please know when I say "rejection" I'm not saying the characters reject each other as unique individuals, but, simplistically speaking, one person takes definitive action that creates distance (rather than closeness) with the other person).
I've always had mixed feelings about Plot Point 2 turning on a miscommunication on a phone call. It's so mild compared to Turn C, and if kept, would maybe work better as Turn D. Even though I have mixed feelings about it, it does help fulfill the relationship turns (which is the primary focus of the series), and with Edward abroad, there isn't really a better way for him to "learn" that Bella is indeed "dead," which is what turns us into Act III. So maybe the phone call is okay, but I would like to move it and add more to this act.
Act III: Edward--Moving from Single to a Couple; Jacob--Moving from Separation to Potential Enemies
Turn D (Bella's Grand Gesture) (Edward's Grand Gesture)
(~80 - 84%)
Bella and Alice have raced to Italy; and in Volterra, Edward prepares to step into the sunlight at noon, in front of a human crowd, to reveal his true nature. This will force the Volturi's hand--their laws will dictate they kill him as punishment.
While time is running out, Bella runs to find him without Alice (Bella is the only one Edward can't see coming, and the only one who will convince him she's truly alive). Just as the clock is striking twelve, she runs into him.
But Edward thinks she is an illusion, that he has already died, and he is imagining her (a nice reversal of what's been happening in Act II, and specifically, at Turn C).
Despite the danger they are in, Bella finds she feels whole, reunited with him. She convinces him she's real, and he's not dead, and Edward suddenly becomes protective of her, as Felix and Demetri, two vampires with the Volturi, close in.
Bella recognizes that it is better to be here with Edward (and saving him), than to live a full life without him (love, and the safety of a loved one, are worth the risk of danger).
Alice soon joins them.
They are all escorted to the Volturi--Aro has taken an interest in Bella, and Alice, after having conversed with Edward previously.
The theme of self-control is brought up again as Aro marvels greatly at how Edward has had the self-control to resist Bella's blood. This reminds Aro of Carlisle, who lived with them long ago. "I certainly never thought I'd see Carlisle bested for self-control of all things, but you put him to shame." Edward: "Hardly."
Interested in how Edward can't read Bella's mind as he can everyone else's, Aro desires to test if she is immune to his gifts as well. Aro can know every thought someone has ever had by touch, but his powers don't work on Bella. He wishes for Jane, who can inflict torturous pain on anyone, to try her powers on Bella next.
Edward tries to intervene, but is tortured instead (arguably Edward's Grand Gesture), and Bella tries to get Jane to stop. Jane turns her attention to Bella, but her powers have no effect on her.
Bella, Edward, and Alice are asked to join the Volturi (who would turn Bella into a vampire), because of their gifts and abilities. They refuse, and Caius argues Bella must be killed--she knows too much. Aro says they will let her live, if Edward promises to turn her.
This throws Edward into a crisis that resonates with the first book. Because he believes one is a monster by nature, he does not want Bella to lose her humanity. But he also doesn't want her to die.
Alice interrupts by stepping forward. She reveals to Aro she's "seen" Bella will be turned in the future, as she has Aro touch her
The three are free to go, if they wait until nightfall to leave.
Note: There are a few things in here that I think work quite well. First, after we've followed Bella being reckless and stupid for most of the book, even up to the point of almost accidentally getting herself killed, it's an interesting reversal to have Edward now doing something reckless and stupid at the climax, where he's literally trying to get himself killed. It's also neat, as I alluded to, to have him think Bella is a delusion, because for most of the book, Bella has been having delusions of Edward, where he has been the one trying to keep her safe and responsible, but of course, he wasn't real, so therefore could not actually, physically save her life when she was drowning. In contrast, this is reality, not a delusion. Edward wasn't there to save Bella (like he was in the previous book), but here, Bella is literally finding and saving Edward--she is keeping him safe from being reckless.
What I also like about this, as I alluded to earlier, is it puts Bella in a protagonist role. She's the one taking action, she's the one solving problems, she's the one facing the main antagonist (which we may think of as "recklessness" itself)--and it happens after she's come to the realization she was in the wrong, on a personal level. Now she needs to extend what she's learned to save another.
But of course, there are some things I think could be better. Saving Edward feels like the true climax of the book to me--it's where the character arc, plot, and theme of this volume collide, but it hits at 80%--which only bolsters my argument that the third quarter should have been developed more.
I want to at least put the Volturi at the "climax" beat, but the reality is, they hit quickly after saving Edward, and while it plays into the themes of the series, it doesn't really actually feel like a climax. We haven't been building to this moment really, and the lead characters don't really do anything to get themselves out of the situation. Bella's value here is very passive--she just is unaffected. And Alice is just showing a vision she's already seen.
The film tried to "fix" this by moving the Volturi to the "climax" beat and then adding more. The filmmakers added a physical fight breaking out where Edward almost gets killed trying to defend Bella, and then Bella begs for the Volturi to kill her in his place. Her shocking demonstration of love for Edward (a monster) leads to them (directly then indirectly) doing neither. Her love for him saves him again. These changes make Edward's Grand Gesture bigger and more obvious, and give Bella basically a second Grand Gesture. It's all a pretty good way to try to (objectively) improve on the story, while still staying true to the plot of the source material. It also makes it so that Bella completes the climactic turn, as she's (at least in some sense) the reason they're all alive and allowed to leave.
As an editor, I'm tempted to make bigger changes, but I'll save that for below.
Climax
(~90 - 92%)
Back home in Forks, Bella wakes from a long sleep to find Edward beside her. At first she thinks he's an illusion, and that everything that happened with Alice and Edward was a dream, or worse, she actually died when she was drowning, and none of this is real. As they talk, she's slowly brought to reality.
Edward laments he's been a terrible person--he thought leaving Bella would keep her safe, but in reality, Laurent and Victoria came back for her, and maybe even worse, she's been dealing with werewolves, and none of the Cullens were there to protect her.
Bella confronts him on his behavior. "This has to stop now. . . . You can't let this . . . this guilt . . . ruin your life. You can't take responsibility for the things that happen to me here. You can't just go running off to Italy because you feel bad you didn't save me. . . . It's very irresponsible--think of Esme and Carlisle."
While Edward admits to feeling terrible guilt, he goes on to say that's not why he wanted to die. "Bella, I can't live in a world where you don't exist."
This confuses Bella, since she broke up with him, so Edward goes on to explain he said those things so he could leave without her, in an attempt to keep her safe from the supernatural world.
He reconfesses his love for her, but expresses he understands if she's moved on, and won't take him back, especially after what he's done to her.
Bella reconfesses her love for him, and they kiss.
Edward promises he won't leave her again (unless she wants him to).
Bella replies, "Don't promise me anything."
As they talk, Edward's attitude reveals he has no intention of turning her--the Volturi likely won't think about her until she's thirty, and then they can evade them. This upsets Bella.
But Edward laments, what else can he do? He won't turn her into a soulless monster like him.
Bella gets dressed and insists on going to the Cullens'. Since the Volturi are now involved, so are all of them, because they'll be held accountable if she's not turned. She leaves to hold a vote on it with the family (everyone but Rosalie and Edward are in favor of her changing, though they plan to do it at a later date).
Note: This doesn't sound like a big climactic moment, does it? So why did I choose it as the final "major" turn? Because, we must not forget, this is a relationship story, and this is the final turn that brings Bella and Edward back into a relationship. This is when they move from being single, to being a couple again. Before this moment, Bella didn't think Edward still wanted her.
The "faux pas" here is that, theoretically, this turn should overlap with the actual Grand Gesture. This conversation should have taken place after Bella saves Edward, but before the Volturi. Or, even just after the Volturi. Again, the film tried to "fix" this by doing just that--sandwiching it between the two events . . . but the conversation is rather brief, and both the film version and book version feel like lost opportunities. This conversation could have been improved to really drive home themes and character arcs.
In the book, Meyer really makes a point to delay this conversation. The space from Turn D to this gets rather dragged out and feels like filler, as we get a play-by-play of Bella going home, and her wanting to avoid this conversation. I think Meyer thought it was more meaningful to drag this all out, to just soak in the current state of the relationship, before turning it. Okay, maybe that kinda makes sense, since what should have been the climax was placed at Turn D--she's still got like 20% of the book left to fill. But it would have been better and more meaningful if this was restructured to overlay the Grand Gestures (more on that below).
I also don't love Bella waking up and thinking Edward is an illusion and that she's dreaming, or that she actually did die from being reckless. While it seems innocent on the surface, this sort of undermines her arc and the themes. Even if she thought this briefly when waking, she should have quickly accepted reality and embraced it--this could have been developed more so that it reinforced the arc and themes, instead of taking away from them.
Falling Action
(~93-100%)
I debated whether to put the vote here, or above, but ultimately, I feel the story is about Bella's relationships with Edward and Jacob, so I wanted to place it here. In any case, the Cullens vote on turning Bella, but decide to wait until after graduation (safer and less suspicious). Alice also admits that while she's willing to turn Bella herself (a promise she made but apparently can't yet keep), she doesn't have the self-control to actually be able to turn her. Carlisle promises he can do it, when the time comes.
On the drive back to Bella's, she admits she wants Edward to be the one to do it. Edward says he's willing, if she marries him (a compromise).
Bella doesn't want to marry--she feels like the promises that come with marriage ruined her parents' relationship itself.
Edward points out it's ridiculous to be willing to be made a vampire (to be with him), but not want to get married. Bella hedges--she doesn't want to deal with how people will react to her marrying so young.
Bella also points out that deep, deep down, Edward must not believe he's soulless, because he believed, for a moment, he was in the afterlife.
In the epilogue, Bella is unable to get ahold of Jacob. Edward remarks that while he can control himself around Jacob, he doubts Jacob can control himself around him.
Jacob betrays Bella at the end, by bringing her motorcycle to show Charlie; he waits for the couple to get home so he can remind Edward, as a spokesperson for the pack, of an important point in the treaty, that if any of the Cullens bite a human, the truce is over. Bite, not kill. When Bella replies it's none of his business, Jacob nearly loses control, but gets a handle on it, and says pointedly, "I would never hurt her."
As Charlie calls out, looking for Bella, Bella says to Jacob, "You promised. Still friends, right?"
He says, "You know how hard I've tried to keep that promise, but . . . I can't see how to keep trying. Not now."
Edward and Bella leave to face Charlie, and Bella considers all her upcoming struggles: Victoria, the Volturi, and apparently the werewolves.
Editorial Feedback: "Fixing" New Moon
I know that the real writer of New Moon would never be open to some of what I'm suggesting below, at least not at the time of publication. Stephenie Meyer is a character-focused writer, to the extent that it doesn't seem like she considers much else. Ask her anything about her writing process, and she's talking about characters. She starts there and then discovers where these characters go and what they do.
I'm not against that, but it's dangerous to approach writing that way exclusively. Character alone often isn't enough to nail a great plot and imbue it all with a satisfying theme, nor will it necessarily guide you to structure all that properly.
If you only focus on character, you miss out on using the two other major story elements to help you evaluate and revise your story into something better. And while Meyer may disagree with me, I personally believe considering those two other major elements leads to writing better characters.
But then, I'm much more of a plotter than Meyer is.
It's also worth mentioning that Meyer was drawing inspiration from classics when writing this book. Romeo & Juliet is an obvious one, since it's used in chapter one to foreshadow and prepare the audience for the ending. But when talking about writing New Moon, she also name drops characters from Jane Austen, Emily Bronte, Margaret Mitchell, and more. I don't actually think Meyer was trying to write the next great classic, I think she just genuinely likes those stories and felt inspired by them.
New Moon takes place in 2005-06, though, and I feel like some concepts, like killing yourself because you think your loved one is dead . . . don't translate the greatest to modern times, or at least not in the same way (plus, there really wasn't a Montague vs. Capulet feud going on in this book, so it lands differently anyway.)
So I don't think the real writer of New Moon would agree with my suggestions. But let's assume the writer who sent me this is open to some revising and rewriting; she's married to the general premise of the plotlines. That is the story she wants to write, but she's willing to be somewhat flexible with the manuscript. (After all, I'm playing the role of the editor, not the ghost writer.) So I'm not going to make her rewrite a very different story. Plus, I still want my suggestions to pay respect to the series and the fans who read it.
Finally, just a reminder, this will not be comprehensive feedback--that would take way too long to cover here. But this is how I'd suggest fixing and strengthening the story's "bones" (I'm not that focused on cosmetics).
Act II, Part II
As mentioned above, this is the quarter where the story starts to get off track. There is some nice potential in its concepts though. It's just not "there" yet. Everything prior to this is working pretty well, and though I want more from Bella in the Laurent encounter, I like how she's the one who can explain Victoria's motive to the wolf pack. I also like that she can fill Jacob (and the pack) in with more information about vampires in general. This makes her a key player, even though she's human.
There are some other things I'm okay with in this quarter. We get some slice-of-life stuff about the wolf pack that's not necessarily intense, but I feel it's meaningful and establishes what the wolves' day-to-day life is like. One of the points of this series, is to experience what it's like to live alongside supernatural creatures in Forks and La Push, while being human. I'm fine with that.
But the problem that comes up is that Bella's external goal in here is to basically hang out in La Push. Not only is this a very passive goal (I mean, no wonder she got bored and jumped off a cliff), but it also feels like a lost opportunity.
The wolves are doing all of the exciting stuff in this quarter--hunting a vampire. And Bella literally isn't around any of it. Okay, she does apparently get close to Victoria in the water, but we don't learn that until she's far away from danger, so it's arguably not very effective and hardly counts as an encounter.
Once the wolves know Victoria is after Bella, one of them says Bella could be used as bait. And I guess she sort of is, because she's hanging around in La Push, but it would have been more interesting if instead of just hanging around and being bored, the pack worked with her more actively to draw Victoria in.
This really wouldn't have been that hard to change. Instead of idling on the beach, she could have been instructed to walk on specific trails and in specific areas. She could have a wolf or two in the distance, but not too close (we want it to smell like she's on her own). This would have brought in more tension. Of course, the wolves will say they will protect her, but what if they can't? What if something happens to them? Bella is already worried about them in the story, so this would just kick up that worry and create more tension and suspense.
The wolves could have had a few areas in mind that are ideal for trapping Victoria, and come up with a plan to lure her in with Bella being in one of those spots. This would also allow the audience to see more of the wolves in action.
This could have also worked with her arc and the theme in this quarter. Bella would seemingly be caught between two belief systems. She wants to be reckless and irresponsible in order to "see" Edward and remember her past, but she's facing increasing pressure in this quarter to be responsible with the here and now, and the future of those in Forks and La Push. After all, Victoria is here for her, and innocents are getting killed instead.
Interestingly, this plan I'm proposing would push Bella into a thematically gray area. In an effort to be more responsible and try to help others, she's taking more risks and being a bit more reckless as the quarter progresses. She's doing this for the future of the area, but in the process, she's also "seeing" the ghost of her past, Edward.
Turn C
I feel that the current Turn C should be tweaked and pushed back to Plot Point 2. This would have arguably improved the structure for the whole second half of the book (which I'll show). But of course, that means we need a new Turn C.
Usually it's a good idea if these A, B, C, D turns get us on track to hit the next major peak (Plot Point 1, midpoint, Plot Point 2, climax).
So here is what I would suggest.
At the midpoint, it was a big deal that people were going into the forest to try to hunt the wolves, including Charlie, but then this doesn't develop into anything more. So my idea would be to have these people out in the forest, and have Victoria attack (or nearly attack) one of them. So far everyone who has been attacked or killed has been a nameless character--which doesn't usually drive home the danger of the situation as much as someone the protagonist knows.
So I have some options.
Option #1: Victoria finds Charlie in the Forest
One, Charlie almost gets attacked, but Jacob saves him. For this to work, Charlie would not be able to fully see or understand that he was almost attacked by a vampire and saved by a werewolf (though I've often wished that Charlie had a secret supernatural-riddled life and actually knew more about the "monsters" in Forks than he let on, but alas, that is a tangent). What would matter is that Bella and the wolves know he almost got attacked. Heck, maybe Bella could have even witnessed it in the distance.
Or, what if she was walking one of these designated trails, and then saw her dad on it, and we had a tense moment because she knows Victoria is likely nearby, and her dad is about to lose his mind that his daughter is apparently out here, when he specifically told her she couldn't be, and she's apparently unarmed and alone. Perhaps as he chews her out, we feel more and more tension--he's being awfully loud, which maybe he thinks isn't a big deal, because it might scare the wolves away, but Bella is freaking out internally, because it could draw Victoria to him, especially when we consider he's talking to Bella and saying her name, and Victoria has exceptional hearing. Maybe only one wolf is distantly near her right now, and she worries that won't be enough.
Perhaps Victoria arrives, but a wolf, Jacob, attacks her. To Charlie, he just saw a wolf attack an innocent woman. He tries to protect Bella and tries to shoot at Jacob--this was one of Bella's worst fears at the midpoint. In all the commotion, Jacob loses Victoria.
At home, Charlie grounds Bella, which only complicates things. She'll have to sneak out when he's not home to continue to help the wolves; she can't stay home and let something like this happen again, let Victoria get Charlie. (And Victoria will now know how important Charlie is to Bella, making him more of a target).
Option #2: Victoria Bites Harry Clearwater
Two, Harry doesn't have an unrelated heart attack; he has a Victoria encounter (which is what the film decided to do). In the film, Victoria causes the heart attack, but it still feels like a lost opportunity to me, because no one knows Victoria caused it. So, one simple option is to have the wolves (and by extension Bella) know Victoria caused it. Or, maybe it's not a heart attack at all. Maybe he actually gets attacked. I mean, why not? Other people have died in the story from Victoria already. Why have him die from an unrelated heart attack? Wouldn't it be better if Victoria killed him? Or, another option. Victoria starts feeding on him, but gets interrupted as the wolves chase her. Harry has venom in him--it's a big deal of course, because this means he's in the process of being turned into a vampire, which is extremely painful.
This would be interesting, because Bella would see how painful it is and how the wolves react to it. Sure, she got bitten in the first book, but it wasn't long before Edward rescued her. Here, the venom is further spreading and already changing Harry (perhaps he was bitten several times). This would force her to stare right into the face of the future she once desperately wanted (and still wants), and come to terms with the costs of it, the costs for Harry and his loved ones. It's also an interesting situation just because Harry is Quileute, like the wolves. Would the wolves or tribe kill him? Once he is a vampire? They would certainly consider it. And as they are discussing options, it's like Bella is hearing how they would react if this were herself. Maybe some even feel it would have been better if they'd just let Victoria finish him off.
The catch is, I don't think Harry could actually turn into a vampire without greatly changing the story and whole series, so something needs to happen to him before the transformation is complete. Could he have a heart attack as the transformation takes place? I know the heart doesn't stop beating until the transformation is complete. And in Breaking Dawn, Bella dies before transforming, and Edward has to do CPR, to get her heart started again, so clearly the person has to be "alive," likely until the end of the transformation. In any case, Harry would have to die, during the transformation. If this were a darker story, someone in the tribe could kill him, but that doesn't really fit the brand, so it should be that his heart couldn't handle the stress, the transformation, and it killed him.
This now reveals to Bella (at least firsthand) that it's possible to die during the change itself, which would put more weight on her decision of whether or not to become a vampire, later in the series.
But still I wonder--why Harry? He's a character who barely has a last name, or presence at this point in the story. That's how minor he is. Should it be someone more important who gets attacked at Turn C? The wolves who are currently shifting can't be harmed by vampire venom, so the only other real option would be to do something with Emily . . . which would change some things with the imprinting in the next book . . . There is also Jacob's dad, but then Jacob wouldn't have a parent . . . so . . . maybe Harry is still the best decision . . . but I still wonder.
Anyway, whoever it is, someone gets hurt by Victoria, and this escalates the seriousness of the situation, and the wolves and Bella have to take more drastic measures.
Simply walking down a trail isn't enough anymore, and it's endangering other people, which Bella would 100% take issue with. The heroes are more desperate to end this quickly.
Bella, despite her fears, says they need to use her as bait more aggressively (and secretly, there is a silver lining--this allows her to be riskier, which means she'll get to "hear" Edward more often). She and the wolves iron out a plan.
Jacob is completely against endangering Bella further, of course (even more so after Victoria's victim (and, he argues, what if Harry had been Bella? (An irony, since that is what Bella once wanted, to be transformed))), but Sam, the alpha, forces him to comply (theme of control).
Ironically, this makes Jacob lose emotional control, and he phases and in the process, endangers Bella. Maybe he feels more like a monster.
Later, Jacob insists on being the one near Bella, to protect her. Depending on what the writer wants, Sam may or may not allow him to do this, but either option has potential to be interesting, if we were to dig into them more.
(By the way, some of you may be thinking at this point, that some of this is starting to sound a bit like Eclipse . . . which I feel like kind of goes to show, that not enough happened through here in New Moon. Things sort of got drawn out, pulled back, and "filled in" in New Moon to then be picked up and taken further in Eclipse, almost like the writer was trying to . . . "fill" it out to last two books . . . or sort of like . . . pulling punches to then hit at full force later. . . .)
Plot Point 2
The new plan is set in motion. And it's bigger and riskier (more reckless) than anything they've tried so far. Walking around La Push isn't enough, Bella must cut herself to draw Victoria to the ideal location for the wolves (maybe into their trap). Let's say it's a risky location somehow, but the wolves believe they can handle it. Perhaps it is at the top of some cliffs, or near them. (See where this is going?)
In Twilight, Edward explained that when a vampire smells human blood, they sort of go into a frenzy, like sharks. The wolves don't know this, so Bella passes the info onto them. (And/or if Victoria did attack Harry, maybe some wolves saw this frenzy firsthand, which could also add to Jacob's desires of not using Bella as this bait).
Bella's going to spread her blood on the way to the location/trap, which will make Victoria go into a (reckless) frenzy, and, not thinking clearly, Victoria will be compromised at the designated area, and the wolves will bear down on her.
It's the best idea any of them have had. (I also like that this makes the wolves more strategic. In the book, they are basically just chasing and chasing and chasing Victoria--not as interesting). Because of what happened at Turn C, they also find a way to make sure no humans will be in the area--maybe a wolf, or some people on the reservation are in charge of ensuring this, depending on specifics. Maybe Jacob is tasked with this initially, so he doesn't compromise the operation--he is the newest wolf, he doesn't want Bella at risk, and perhaps didn't do the greatest protecting Charlie (or whoever) at Turn C (just some ideas).
Or maybe after Turn C, Charlie, Chief of Police, is coaxed (somewhat ignorantly) into doing something that keeps people away during this timeframe (maybe Bella could plant the idea?). Maybe, too, he's asked some higher-ups for help with this wolf issue. This puts the heroes on a sort of deadline. They want to take care of Victoria, before true (human) hunters or others arrive and make things more dangerous and complicated (it would take some fleshing out, and there are a few kinks, but it's an interesting possibility).
In any case, Bella must cut herself and spread the blood--which is a personal feat in and of itself. She almost passed out in the last book when her biology class had to prick their fingers for blood typing, so just cutting herself isn't going to be a walk in the park for her. She also needs to be somewhat distant from anyone else, so she's going to have to buck up and do her task on her own. Edward, Mike, Carlisle, Jacob, and no one else can come in and attend to her or carry her to the nurse like in times past. This is her responsibility in the plan.
It's tense, but she does her part. She's luring Victoria to the designated spot, but something goes wrong.
Victoria doesn't come alone. She has a newborn with her, Riley (yes, this changes the next book a bit, but it's more interesting and feels more satisfying to introduce him in this book, or it could be a different newborn vampire, or if we were really evil and wanted to make this a darker series, maybe this could be Harry Clearwater somehow.) This would have been a nice way to foreshadow the next book, and make the overarching external plotline feel more connected.
The wolves have never fought a newborn, and he's much more powerful. They thought things were going well, but it all starts to turn south. Their attention is divided between the two vampires and protecting Bella.
Bella is still bleeding, and maybe she stumbles or gets hurt, and is bleeding even more.
She's watching the attack, and even a wolf getting injured.
So she does something even more reckless.
She runs off (still in view, but far enough that the wolves won't block Alice's ability to "see" her), and she jumps off a cliff to draw the vampires away. (Or perhaps she jumps off to see Edward? That might be meaningful thematically . . . or we have her motivated by both?)
Sure, it seems like a heroic moment. But it's also stupid. And reckless. The wolves have a better chance against the vampires than she does. Also, let's say in this version, she's already been told vampires move quicker in water. She's not suicidal exactly, but knows full-well that she could die.
After she jumps, unfortunately, the unexpected currents are pulling her down. She doesn't even know if the vampires saw or are coming and worries the currents are washing all her blood too far away. She "sees" Edward, and he tries to save her by telling her what to do in times of danger (as he has been doing this whole book). But when it comes down to it, he can't save her. He's not real. She has been chasing a delusion, a nonreality. She has been chasing a past. Edward isn't there to save her as he was previously, in the climax of Twilight. No, Bella must save herself.
As she comes to terms with this, she finds the strength to keep swimming. She finds the strength to find the direction to swim. But the currents are still wild. She reaches out on her own, but finds Jacob there, and he's helping her.
Why is Jacob there? Don't we need to show Bella saving herself? 1- Jacob is there because, again, this is a relationship story, and this is still his Grand Gesture. The relationship is the dominating plotline. And 2- in the story we've had a subordinating arc about Bella needing to socialize more and not be a recluse, and when we do that, with the right people, and try to save ourselves, others will be there to help, to offer love and support, after our best efforts (at least, let's go for that).
Bella tries to save herself, and once she makes the efforts, Jacob is right there to help her out of the darkness, just like he was at the beginning of Act II.
(Also, we could say Jacob is physically there, because he was coming back from monitoring that humans were out of the area, and coming to join the fight, when he saw Bella jump.)
But Plot Point 2 isn't over. The vampires did see, and they are coming. Maybe the other wolves slowed them down, or maybe the wolves also got in the water (they don't fight as well there, but maybe given the circumstances of Bella and Jacob both being in there, they jump in, slowing the vampires, somewhat). The projected storm is starting to hit.
It's tense, but Jacob and Bella (with help from the pack) get to the shore before the vampires take them.
After suffering some powerful blows, and with the water washing away the scent of blood, the vampires retreat in (temporary) defeat.
If the newborn isn't Riley, we could have also had the wolves kill him, which would be enough to make Victoria come to her senses and retreat.
Some of the wolves are hurt pretty bad, but they heal quickly.
In the falling action of this critical peak, perhaps we learn that jumping off the cliff, while intended to be heroic, was indeed rather stupid and reckless. The wolves fare better on land, and when Bella took off running, they had just gained the upper hand, and then she made things more difficult by jumping in. Maybe one of the wolves even got hurt real bad because of it (thank goodness for quick healing though) (I'm not in love with all this, but it's something to consider and plays into the theme and her internal plotline).
I want to work in here too, somehow, that one of the motivations for the jump, was to "see" Edward. It would likely take some more brainstorming to tie all these ideas together (and I do admit, some of this is still a bit rough).
Bella begins to reconsider all the stupid, reckless things she did previously that truly were unnecessary. Did she have no sense of self-preservation, like Edward had once said? Was she putting others first so much, that she hadn't learned to properly care about her own life? And what was she doing chasing after delusions, that put her at risk? Did she not just see how even that behavior put others at risk too? She's lucky the wolves heal fast, or they'd be dead. Then the remaining ones would have had to shoulder even more responsibility. She could have gotten Jacob killed if the vampires had gotten into the water quicker, like she'd planned.
She realizes she should embrace reality and change her ways. Edward broke up with her. Now she needs to "break up" with Edward. She'll always love him, but she needs to be a grown-up now. She needs to let her delusions of him go. She needs to be responsible to others. And perhaps more than that, she needs to be responsible to herself.
She will live in reality.
She may not have been "good enough" for Edward. But she will be good enough for herself.
For the first time, she considers Jacob as a potential romantic partner. He is her sun. He "found" and helped "save" her. He is good for her. He is reality.
Act III
After the falling action of Plot Point 2, Jacob takes Bella home, and Alice is there. Essentially, the same things happen right here, but they are just now pushed back in the story. Bella tells Alice the truth of what's been going on.
Maybe in the process, she reveals that she's ready to let Edward go--which would bring in some interesting subtext with Alice, because she actually knows the truth: Edward never let Bella go. Bella's done being reckless and stupid. She vows to change her ways.
Perhaps Alice sees that time apart has actually helped Bella come into her own more (though of course, Alice still disagrees with Bella's previous reckless behavior, the werewolves, and everything else mentioned here).
Bella expresses that while she won't forget the past (despite the Cullens' efforts there), she's going to fully live in the present and for her future. For herself. And her loved ones. . . . maybe even for Edward. The reckless Bella is not what he would have wanted for her, and if she truly loves him, she'll have to let him go and live her own life. Even if it's a human one. It's not her dream, but it's a reality. She'll grow up and learn to find happiness in that. It's what's necessary.
(She is choosing what she needs, over what she wants.)
Turn D
The original Plot Point 2, becomes Turn D. I'm still not head-over-heels about the phone call being the turn, but it's more justifiable as a medium turn (Turn D) than a big turn (Plot Point 2). Also, as I mentioned above, it still turns the relationship with Jacob and Bella (and Edward), and it's really the only way to communicate with Edward, who is abroad. I mean, the other option is to have Edward show up with Alice, but then that's a whole different Act III, a whole different ending to the story.
Moving this moment to Turn D also evens out the story better. Edward broke up with Bella at Turn A, so he was in the first 12% of the story. I feel like it makes sense to have him come back into the plotline at the equivalent turn of Act III, which is Turn D.
It does, in some sense, seem a bit late, until you remember that the percentages are just guidelines, and it's not unusual for Turn D to hit earlier than 87% (because the climax is not actually going to hit at 100% (since we have falling action)).
Anyway.
Bella and Alice race to save Edward.
Which Bella can do from a healthier place now, because of what she's learned and embraced.
While she has personally let Edward go, she's not going to stand by and let him make the stupidest, most reckless decision of his life--intentionally killing himself over her.
Armed with her recent realizations and the themes, she rushes to help save Edward from his own greatest enemy--himself.
Climax
Turn D becomes the climax, but tweaked.
Walking into the sunlight to sparkle in front of a crowd is too easy. Too simple. Too non-dramatic.
What's ironic, is that earlier in the act, Alice actually "sees" Edward considering other options to reveal himself: a killing spree through the city, attacking a guard, lifting a car over his head . . .
Any of these options are more dramatic and arguably "better" than walking in the sunlight.
Often in the original saga, I get this vibe that Meyer doesn't really know how to write action scenes, as she seems to go out of her way to avoid them. In the first book, she has Bella drifting in and out of consciousness when the Cullens take on James. Sure, Bella was hurt before that point, but that was more of a victim scene, not an action one. In this book, Bella doesn't get to see the wolves take on Victoria at all. And in Eclipse and Breaking Dawn, the major battles also get largely dodged. I don't think Meyer likes writing physical fights.
It does sometimes feel like she thinks of some good ideas, and then weakens the story by choosing something different.
Like walking into the sunlight to sparkle.
I'm not completely opposed to that idea, but at least pair it with something else--any of the above things.
In fact, wouldn't it be dramatic to overlay all those ideas?
The only thing I was shocked to read was that Edward was actually considering a killing spree. To be fair, he decides against it. But this seemed to go against a lot of the progress he's made as a vampire and sort of what Twilight is all about.
But then I realized, maybe that could be the point. The Edward we know in Twilight wouldn't do that. But contrary to what Bella believed of him, Edward always believed he had that capacity.
And I started to think that this concept actually did hold a lot of potential, if reworked.
Because the very fact that it threatens his "humanity," his identity, that it threatens the theme of self-control, and marries the idea of a "natural" monster to that of a "behavioral" monster, is exactly what would help make this climax of New Moon more dramatic.
At the midpoint, Bella made it clear that murder made one a monster, not one's nature.
With Bella (seemingly) gone, and Edward already "starving" of thirst, and ensnared by his flawed belief systems--maybe with some rewriting, Edward begins to further embrace (or re-embrace) the idea that he is a monster, and loses his motive to resist his nature. He believes he's the reason Bella died. He is a monster. And so, he'll act like one.
Carlisle would be devastated of course. But Edward never believed he had the capacity to be Carlisle.
No.
He's a monster.
Okay, but, the Twilight Saga being the Twilight Saga, I don't imagine Edward actually killing any human here. It doesn't fit the tone and brand (it would also really change his journey and relationships for the rest of the series). So, I think he thinks he's going to do a killing spree, attack a guard in the process, and lift a car, all in the sunlight. And planning and thinking he'll do that is bad enough for the purposes of the story--because it puts at risk everything that the series has built up.
When it comes down to it, though, he can't. While his heart stopped beating a century ago, he's not that heartless. And even in her "death," Bella's belief that he was better, that he was not a monster, stops him.
Maybe he's not as damned as he thinks.
But he still intends to find out in his own death.
(And I know this story is all in Bella's POV, but with Alice's abilities, she could convey much of this as it happens.)
He's going to attack a guard (but not kill him), lift a car, and be in broad sunlight.
He may not have time to do all three before the Volturi finish him off, but he'll find out. He doesn't want the Volturi to have any reason to turn away his death wish (again).
As a note, I like the idea of lifting the car, because it seems to call back to how he stopped a car to save Bella in the previous book. Now he's doing something else with a car, and she's the one saving him.
But maybe let's change it from him lifting a car--since it could land on Bella when she's running for him (which we maybe don't want to deal with). So perhaps he's going to whack a car into a building, in a different direction.
Also, yeah, the guard isn't going to get bit, just hurt.
And honestly, it doesn't have to be either of those specific things, but it'd be better if it was more than walking into the sunlight (and I do really like that callback with the car).
Maybe he attacks the guard first, then walks into the sunlight, and then Bella is there.
Or he walks into the sunlight, and pushes the car, almost hurting Bella with it, or maybe he does hurt her, but it's just a little bit . . . This would be a cool foil for the first book. Instead of saving her life from a car, he almost accidentally kills her with one (feeding into his fears of doing her in) (so maybe he could lift the car? I don't know, I'm just brainstorming, people!).
I also had this alternative idea I played around with: What if Edward accidentally hurt someone else with the car, and they're bleeding, and the monster within that he thought he'd overcome and ruled out, starts to raise its ugly head? Maybe, then he does want to feed on humans and cause a killing spree? This would be tragic, since he'd already ruled the killing spree out.
So now Bella needs to save him, and someone else (and arguably, potentially everyone else). This would have made her more active, as again, her goal here in the original story is rather passive. (Alice even says to her, "You don't have to do anything. He just has to see you." Passive. Or close to it.)
Bella also knows Edward wouldn't forgive himself for doing all that--killing others and feasting on human blood after abstaining for so long. So she has to stop him, and calm him down, and has to keep them both away from the Volturi in the process. (This would also be another demonstration of how being reckless and irresponsible not only hurts you, but others as well, playing into that theme.)
This could all echo back to the first book. Perhaps in his moment of weakness, Edward fears he'll turn on Bella, but ultimately, his love for her overpowers his nature and arms him with the self-control he needs to resist his nature again.
Anyway . . . I kind of got ahead of myself.
. . . The clock finishes striking noon, and Bella runs into Edward, but he thinks she's a delusion. Again, a great reversal of what's been happening. Like "he" did for all of the book, Bella is now telling him what he needs to do to get to safety. He doesn't believe she's real . . . until he sees and smells the blood. He realizes he hurt her from the car push (or if he hurt someone else, she just convinces him she's real, but I'm gonna follow this thread for now).
He snaps back to reality, and they take cover. He has the love of his life here, bleeding, in a vampire city. Her blood is intoxicating, but his love for her and the relief she's alive overpowers everything.
If pacing allows, we overlay the thematic/character arc/relationship arc discussion right here (instead of in Bella's bedroom)--this is the old "climax." If pacing doesn't allow, we can stick it in after the Volturi, in the falling action. It's more meaningful to do this now, or at least in Volterra.
Armed with all she's learned, Bella calls Edward out on what he's doing. How he is being stupid and reckless--just like he asked her not to do at Turn A. And like the original conversation in her bedroom, Bella calls him irresponsible, talks about how he can't feel guilty and responsible for her and her choices, and how he should think about how his death would impact others (both his loved ones, and anyone hurt here during his suicidal escapades). Most of all, she emphasizes he needs to be responsible and safe to honor himself, and his "humanity." He can't kill anyone, because that's not who he is. He's not a real monster. He must see that.
He doesn't, yet, at least not fully (that's for his series arc).
But she does have a point, he didn't have it in him to kill anyone, and for a moment, he actually thought he was in the afterlife . . . so deep within, he must think he has a soul, of some sort.
Maybe he is still worthy of self-preservation. (He's still got a ways to go though.)
And even if he really doesn't want to live in a world where Bella doesn't exist, he needs to grow up and be responsible and face reality, instead of running from it in reckless delusion (and, calling back to what Bella says in the previous book, we state that dying is easy--it's living that's hard). Edward needs to be there for himself, and save himself, and as he tries to do that, his loved ones will be there to help. (Alice enters right on cue.) Maybe he let Bella go physically during the breakup, but she points out he needs to let her go emotionally as well.
As he takes this all in (and I think he'll need more time to digest it), we segue into Edward revealing the true reason he left in the first place. It wasn't because he didn't love her. It was because he did. And letting go was the best option for both of them.
While Bella greatly missed him, maybe (as she recalls all her growth) it was for the best, for a bit. She's a different person now, a stronger one. And she won't go back to being old Bella.
This in turn will make their relationship stronger. (And they get what they want, after addressing what they need).
. . . There is sort of this weird vibe in New Moon, of, well, since Edward and Bella can't/won't live without each other, then "I guess they need to be together." I get it, but I think it would be better to revise it. Perhaps they should be growing as individuals, and learning they can be without each other, and as they come back together, it makes the relationship stronger.
I think Edward has a ways to go to learn that (I mean, he just tried to kill himself), but it's a start, and maybe moving forward, Edward can have some more time to work on himself there--since Charlie limits the time they can spend together by the end of the book anyway (maybe it would be interesting, though, if the "grown-up" part of Bella felt that was admittedly not such a bad idea . . . even if she still is reluctant.)
I don't know that we can realistically fit all this in right here with pacing . . . maybe . . . but what doesn't fit can be tied up after the Volturi, in the falling action.
It also feels a bit soon, perhaps, for them to officially be a couple again right here, but if we make it clear they'll be in each other's lives again, and they dearly love each other, then that will be enough for the turn, and we can make it official in the falling action.
Whew! Okay, then we get to the Volturi. While this is a key moment, I don't consider this the climax of this volume, but it's an important development to the saga as a whole. (As a note, if we do have Bella bleeding before, that bleeding would either need to stop by now, or be a talking point and complication in here.)
We could kind of leave this the same, and just tweak it a bit. I think the movie version is better than the book, while still being true to the book. The themes of control, monsters, and love are brought in again. I think the film version is enough, other than with the theme of self-preservation now, we'd need Bella to not ask to be killed in Edward's place. She'd have to say something else thematic but just as influential with the Volturi. The other thing to consider is to have Bella doing more.
Alternatively, it would maybe be interesting if the Volturi actually recognized something about Bella--something that would explain why she's not affected by others' powers and why she seems to be a magnet for danger. Something supernatural, in a sense. Sort of how Alice was already a bit psychic as a human, and when she turned into a vampire, it made her powers even stronger.
That would change some things, but could be interesting.
After this, I would say the falling action is about the same. Except, now that the percentages are different, we don't need to drag things out with a play-by-play. Bella and Edward will still have another key conversation, but it would build off the earlier one here, and tie off loose ends. It would still segue into Bella going to the Cullens' to get a vote.
While I wouldn't say it's necessary, it might be interesting to add that another reason Bella is not yet ready to agree to marriage, is because of all that just happened. Maybe she's hoping Edward will see he's worthy of life and has a soul, because of his good choices--maybe she's hoping he will see he's not a monster. (Which would also lessen his resistance to her choice to be a vampire, so from a plot standpoint, that would also help her cause.) I'm not sure yet, but I think there is something with that.
And that's about it, guys!
Is my version better? While it's not all smoothed out and polished, I have to say, personally, I think so 😉
I'll be back next time with a typical writing tip 😊
(In case you missed it last year, here is the Twilight dissection.)
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