Unfortunately, it's people like that, that tend to get overlooked.

I found out that my (Great) Aunt Beth passed away yesterday. I've lived 15-20 minutes away from her for the last few years and never took the time to go visit her, even when she asked, mainly because I have a shy streak, and I was afraid of feeling awkward or not knowing what to say. I shouldn't have, because she never made me feel that way.

Now that opportunity is gone.

Try not to make the same mistake I did. I'm not down on myself. I just wanted to say something to help others remember what's actually important.

I wasn't very close to my Aunt Beth, but she was the kind of person you always felt good to be around and talk to. I get good feelings when I remember her, which, I think, is what we all hope to leave behind when we die. Even in her 80's, she was "with it." Positive, independent, loving, kind, not a complainer, not one to hold grudges.

Unfortunately, it's people like that, that tend to get overlooked.

Because they don't need our sympathies. Because we know whatever we do, they won't hold ill feelings. Because they don't complain about their problems. Because they're self-reliant. Because we know they can handle whatever disaster comes their way with a smile, even if, sometimes, it's only a half-hearted smile.

But that doesn't mean they deserve our attention and love any less.

So instead of giving me sympathy, go write someone a thank-you note, go call a friend, just sit with a family member--whether they're on top of their world or hanging on by their fingertips.

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Arrogance vs. Confidence, Self-deprecation vs. Humility

UPDATE 2020--PLEASE READ THE UPDATED VERSION OF THIS ARTICLE HERE.
 

I once had a wise ballet teacher tell my class,

"The difference between confidence and arrogance is how you treat other people."

She's right. Sometimes I think society confuses confidence with pride. Likewise, society confuses humility with self-deprecation. In reality, it's completely possible to be confident and humble at the same time, without being prideful.

Arrogance vs. Confidence

People who are arrogant want themselves to succeed and be better than everyone else. On the other hand, people who are confident want themselves and everyone around them to succeed.

Let's take two characters from one of my favorite childhood shows, Dragon Ball Z to illustrate.

Vegeta's defining characteristic is arrogance--and he flaunts it. All of his goals and actions stem from his desire to be better than everyone else. He frequently treats those less powerful than him as garbage. He even puts his own wants before his wife and son. He shows no mercy; he's ruthless. He's full of himself and fully selfish.

Goku, on the opposite side of the spectrum, is confident. He wants himself and his friends to succeed. He cheers them on, treats them well, and despite being the most powerful person in the world, doesn't put himself above others.

(In contrast to Vegeta, he's very merciful. He always provides opportunities for villains to stand down. He's quick to forgive.)

Goku believes in his talents and abilities, but he's also teachable. He acknowledges his shortcomings and overcomes them. He's eager to learn from those more powerful than him, and he submits to whatever needs to be done. Goku is confident and humble. (Not self-deprecating.)

So, confidence and arrogance depend on how you regard others. When you start dissecting this, it  makes sense. Confidence comes from security. When we are secure of ourselves, we don't feel threatened by others' successes. Why would we? We're secure. (Remember, you don't have to be perfect to be secure.)

Arrogance, pride, conceit, ironically, doesn't actually come from being too confident, but from insecurity--a fear that if others succeed, we have less value. Pride and selfishness are also linked. When we don't want others to succeed, we're being selfish.

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