UPDATE 2020--PLEASE READ THE UPDATED VERSION OF THIS ARTICLE HERE.
I once had a wise ballet teacher tell my class,
"The difference between confidence and arrogance is how you treat other people."
She's right. Sometimes I think society confuses confidence with pride. Likewise, society confuses humility with self-deprecation. In reality, it's completely possible to be confident and humble at the same time, without being prideful.
People who are arrogant want themselves to succeed and be better than everyone else. On the other hand, people who are confident want themselves and everyone around them to succeed.
Let's take two characters from one of my favorite childhood shows, Dragon Ball Z to illustrate.
Vegeta's defining characteristic is arrogance--and he flaunts it. All of his goals and actions stem from his desire to be better than everyone else. He frequently treats those less powerful than him as garbage. He even puts his own wants before his wife and son. He shows no mercy; he's ruthless. He's full of himself and fully selfish.
Goku, on the opposite side of the spectrum, is confident. He wants himself and his friends to succeed. He cheers them on, treats them well, and despite being the most powerful person in the world, doesn't put himself above others.
(In contrast to Vegeta, he's very merciful. He always provides opportunities for villains to stand down. He's quick to forgive.)
Goku believes in his talents and abilities, but he's also teachable. He acknowledges his shortcomings and overcomes them. He's eager to learn from those more powerful than him, and he submits to whatever needs to be done. Goku is confident and humble. (Not self-deprecating.)
Arrogance vs. Confidence
People who are arrogant want themselves to succeed and be better than everyone else. On the other hand, people who are confident want themselves and everyone around them to succeed.
Let's take two characters from one of my favorite childhood shows, Dragon Ball Z to illustrate.Vegeta's defining characteristic is arrogance--and he flaunts it. All of his goals and actions stem from his desire to be better than everyone else. He frequently treats those less powerful than him as garbage. He even puts his own wants before his wife and son. He shows no mercy; he's ruthless. He's full of himself and fully selfish.
(In contrast to Vegeta, he's very merciful. He always provides opportunities for villains to stand down. He's quick to forgive.)
Goku believes in his talents and abilities, but he's also teachable. He acknowledges his shortcomings and overcomes them. He's eager to learn from those more powerful than him, and he submits to whatever needs to be done. Goku is confident and humble. (Not self-deprecating.)
So, confidence and arrogance depend on how you regard others. When you start dissecting this, it makes sense. Confidence comes from security. When we are secure of ourselves, we don't feel threatened by others' successes. Why would we? We're secure. (Remember, you don't have to be perfect to be secure.)
Arrogance, pride, conceit, ironically, doesn't actually come from being too confident, but from insecurity--a fear that if others succeed, we have less value. Pride and selfishness are also linked. When we don't want others to succeed, we're being selfish.
Arrogance, pride, conceit, ironically, doesn't actually come from being too confident, but from insecurity--a fear that if others succeed, we have less value. Pride and selfishness are also linked. When we don't want others to succeed, we're being selfish.
