I recently met a woman who was going through a very difficult time. I offered on several occasions to help or get her help, but she always declined and asked me not to go to others for her sake.
Eventually, I stopped offering help.
Sure, it's good to go help her despite what she says. That's not my point. When I talked to her I sensed that she thought she was taking the "higher road" by declining others' help.
Sometimes our society romanticizes that characteristic--that the real "hero" suffers because he doesn't want to "put others out." While that might be a good quality to have, a better one is to let others help you when you cannot help yourself. Let others lighten your burdens when your hardships overwhelm you. When we close ourselves off and don't let others help, we only make difficult trials harder than they need to be.
We're humans. We aren't invulnerable. All of us will suffer and go through difficulties. Human relationships are a give-and-take. We give to others, but at times, we need to take what's given. It's only selfish if you take, take, take, and never give. It's unrealistic to expect yourself to shoulder all your trials alone.
And not only is it unrealistic, it's unnecessary.
What might be difficult for you might be easy for someone else. Let that person help you. If it's easy for them and they offered, you're hardly "putting them out" at all. When a friend can't open the peanut butter jar, and I can easily do it for them, then I'm not out anything worth noting.
Of course, we shouldn't be running for help every time we encounter something difficult--otherwise we will never learn and grow and become more self-reliant and independent. But sometimes, we just need help because we're overburdened or cannot help ourselves.
When help is accepted, both people are blessed. The person serving is blessed and the person receiving the service is blessed.
So, be honest with yourself, and when you need help, let others help you.
Eventually, I stopped offering help.
Sure, it's good to go help her despite what she says. That's not my point. When I talked to her I sensed that she thought she was taking the "higher road" by declining others' help.
Sometimes our society romanticizes that characteristic--that the real "hero" suffers because he doesn't want to "put others out." While that might be a good quality to have, a better one is to let others help you when you cannot help yourself. Let others lighten your burdens when your hardships overwhelm you. When we close ourselves off and don't let others help, we only make difficult trials harder than they need to be.
We're humans. We aren't invulnerable. All of us will suffer and go through difficulties. Human relationships are a give-and-take. We give to others, but at times, we need to take what's given. It's only selfish if you take, take, take, and never give. It's unrealistic to expect yourself to shoulder all your trials alone.
And not only is it unrealistic, it's unnecessary.
What might be difficult for you might be easy for someone else. Let that person help you. If it's easy for them and they offered, you're hardly "putting them out" at all. When a friend can't open the peanut butter jar, and I can easily do it for them, then I'm not out anything worth noting.
Of course, we shouldn't be running for help every time we encounter something difficult--otherwise we will never learn and grow and become more self-reliant and independent. But sometimes, we just need help because we're overburdened or cannot help ourselves.
When help is accepted, both people are blessed. The person serving is blessed and the person receiving the service is blessed.
So, be honest with yourself, and when you need help, let others help you.
